I try so hard not to worry about things but some days/times I can't help when my mind wanders.
I was doing pretty good, the spotting had stopped for 2 days and the cramping was very minimal.
Well, yesterday mid day the cramping got pretty intense and a few hours later I was spotting. It's still got a little brownish tint to it but it's also got a pinkish hint too....which combined with the intense cramping really got my head in bad places.
I am emotionally trying to detach myself and prepare for this pregnancy to end as the rest have. I was so tired yesterday afternoon, couldn't fall asleep b/c I was cramping and finally went up to bed around 7 to take a nap. I figured Chris would call from work around 8:30ish so his call would wake me up. I woke up around 9:15 on my own. I really wanted to talk to my husband, to let him know my worries and just hear his voice. I tried calling him but got his voicemail, they must have been busy. He didn't ever get back to me.
I really wish that I could sleep through the entire first trimester so that my mind doesn't wander and freak out so much.
I am glad Chris will be home the next 4 days.
Sorry, not much of an update...more just me worrying.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Moving right along
So I am 12dpo today and had a repeat beta/p4 and also had my TSH drawn.
My 10dpo beta was 12.98 and my p4 was 21. The RE wasn't concerned about the number being lower since I was catching the pregnancy early.
I got a little worried on Sunday, about an hour or two after I gave myself my first Lovenox shot...I started spotting. I spotted on/off Sunday and a little into Monday and haven't had much since then except when I go to the bathroom...sorry TMI. : D
I've also had a little bit of cramping here and there but nothing too severe, it's more like I feel like I pull a muscle if I do too much. I'm trying to drink plenty of water and just take it easy.
Todays results are moving in the right direction.
My nurse is betting on multiples. I actually swore on the phone a few times when she said that.
My beta today is 68 and my p4 is 33. My TSH went up to 3.25 so I need to double up on my synthroid.
So I go back on Saturday for another beta/p4 and then again on Monday.
My first ultrasound is 12/19.
We are still not out of the woods but we are moving in the right direction and that is an excellent thing.
My 10dpo beta was 12.98 and my p4 was 21. The RE wasn't concerned about the number being lower since I was catching the pregnancy early.
I got a little worried on Sunday, about an hour or two after I gave myself my first Lovenox shot...I started spotting. I spotted on/off Sunday and a little into Monday and haven't had much since then except when I go to the bathroom...sorry TMI. : D
I've also had a little bit of cramping here and there but nothing too severe, it's more like I feel like I pull a muscle if I do too much. I'm trying to drink plenty of water and just take it easy.
Todays results are moving in the right direction.
My nurse is betting on multiples. I actually swore on the phone a few times when she said that.
My beta today is 68 and my p4 is 33. My TSH went up to 3.25 so I need to double up on my synthroid.
So I go back on Saturday for another beta/p4 and then again on Monday.
My first ultrasound is 12/19.
We are still not out of the woods but we are moving in the right direction and that is an excellent thing.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
10dpo
So I'm 10dpo today.
I tested yesterday because we were going to dinner for my birthday and I planned on having a margarita. I used a wondfo brand cheapie and it was stark white. I did order a margarita with dinner but it was the worst margarita I have ever had in my life. I think I drank about 1/2 in off the top and then couldn't drink anymore. Also, the guacamole didn't taste quite right. I even said at dinner that it tasted like it had mayo in it.
So this morning I decided to test again, definitely expecting a negative again. After all, I have never gotten a positive HPT before 13-14dpo.
I was quite shocked when this appeared, actually I was so shocked that I thought it was a faulty test or evap and took another...
I called the RE office and they had me come right in for blood work. I got there at 7:30am, was in and out quickly. Usually the office calls with results earlier on the weekends but not until 10am-ish. When my phone rang and it was 8:45am, I picked it up and it was Dr. Miller himself!!! He congratulated me and wanted me to start on the Lovenox today.
Since it takes a few days for the pharmacy to get the Lovenox in, he said they could give me some samples but I had to swing by the office. So I drove back to the office and got some samples. The nurse was awesome, she hugged me and said she'd pray that this one sticks. She also made me give myself todays injection. That baby hurt bad but is oh so worth it if I stay pregnant.
I got back Tuesday morning for a repeat beta, p4 and my thyroid level.
Prayers are appreciated, although we are excited....we are still very cautious.
I tested yesterday because we were going to dinner for my birthday and I planned on having a margarita. I used a wondfo brand cheapie and it was stark white. I did order a margarita with dinner but it was the worst margarita I have ever had in my life. I think I drank about 1/2 in off the top and then couldn't drink anymore. Also, the guacamole didn't taste quite right. I even said at dinner that it tasted like it had mayo in it.
So this morning I decided to test again, definitely expecting a negative again. After all, I have never gotten a positive HPT before 13-14dpo.
I was quite shocked when this appeared, actually I was so shocked that I thought it was a faulty test or evap and took another...
I called the RE office and they had me come right in for blood work. I got there at 7:30am, was in and out quickly. Usually the office calls with results earlier on the weekends but not until 10am-ish. When my phone rang and it was 8:45am, I picked it up and it was Dr. Miller himself!!! He congratulated me and wanted me to start on the Lovenox today.
Since it takes a few days for the pharmacy to get the Lovenox in, he said they could give me some samples but I had to swing by the office. So I drove back to the office and got some samples. The nurse was awesome, she hugged me and said she'd pray that this one sticks. She also made me give myself todays injection. That baby hurt bad but is oh so worth it if I stay pregnant.
I got back Tuesday morning for a repeat beta, p4 and my thyroid level.
Prayers are appreciated, although we are excited....we are still very cautious.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
12 days of Christmas---I mean catch up!
Wow, so the last time I updated was CD7 and today is CD19. I've been crabby about this cycle and wasn't feeling it from the start and well, you'll see that my "not feeling" it attitude, turned out to be true. I'll update each day in a different color so that they don't run into each other.
CD9 Update:
I got my fasting insulin and glucose levels back. My insulin was 22.7 and my glucose was 63. The insulin is higher than the RE likes for treatment purposes, so he put me back on 1500mg Metformin and I am also going to be low carb. Less than 30g of carbs per day. Some days have been better than others but it's definitely not easy and I seem to be hungry pretty much constantly. I had a really hard day on Thanksgiving with so much food around and not really being able to eat anything but turkey and cranberries with some water. Yea, it was that fun. Anyways....enough of that.
Here were my stats from the appt:
lining 9mm type 1
R ovary- 13mm, 15 under 10mm
L ovary- cl 14mm, 13mm, 13mm, (15mm), 8 under 10mm
e2- 204.8
p4- 0.4
Plan:
125IU Follistim
10cc low dose
CD11 Update:
11mm type 1
l ovary-- 20mm, 16mm, 14mm, ten under 10mm
r ovary--15mm, 14mm, ten under 10mm
e2--529
p4--0.4
insulin was high== 22.7
glucose was slightly low== 63
Plan:
75 IU follistim
15cc low dose
CD13 Update----here is where the fun begins:
lining 10mm type 1
R ovary-- 19mm, 17mm, 17mm, 14mm, 13mm, 4-5 less than 10mm
L ovary-- 24mm (cl), 20mm, 19mm, 17mm, 15mm, 13mm, a couple less than 10mm.
e2- 1500
p4- 0.4
IUI's canceled. The RE is not willing to risk his name/license to proceed with the risk of a higher order pregnancy. For each mature follicle you should have approx. 200pg/ml of estradiol. So if you look at my e2 levels, I have 7 maybe 8 mature follicles. Way too risky.
Have sex, risk of twins is 25% and triplets or higher 10-15%.
No sex, wait for next cycle to begin. Chance that cysts will be present and cancel next cycle as well.
However, the RE feels that the favor is in our odds that IF we do get pregnant, he thinks it will be a singleton. Without trigger, he is sure that TI is okay as I will most likely release the most mature egg, possibly a second mature but nothing more than that. He is comfortable if we make the decision to go ahead and try TI on our own this cycle.
I am mad because my nurse was out on vacation on CD11 when my low dose HCG was decreased to 10cc. I feel like just by decreasing it that little bit at the time when my follicles were growing at a more rapid pace that it screwed the whole cycle. The nurse that instructed me to decrease my low dose is newer to the clinic. She is also the one that lost our signed consent forms this cycle.
I talked to the RE about the issue with the low dose. He is confident that the decrease in low dose HCG didn't affect the outcome of the cycle and explained how she messed up. Clearly, the clinic needs to communicate better though...because this obviously was a mess up and if we were doing IVF, I'd be even more livid. The low dose HCG is mixed by them in their lab. The dose of 15cc is EQUAL to 10 units. So when the nurse told me to take 10 she meant units, which as a patient...I have no flucking clue that 10u = 15cc. The nurse should have just told me to take 15cc like they always do.
One plus is the RE said because of this cycle being canceled they will provide, free of charge my follistim for next cycle. That is very kind and definitely appreciated.
We'll look at doing another one in December but chances are we'll have to wait till January because of cysts from this past cycle being present.
I have requested that this nurse who messed up not give me results or orders. Chris also felt strongly about this. I understand we aren't doing IVF and investing as much but we are still paying close to 3k for each cycle, and this one was obviously a bust.
So we decided to do TI and I am approx 5dpo today. I'm not really having any symptoms other than sore nipples. To be honest, I don't really have much hope that this is our month. I mean, we've tried on our own for months without much success.
We closed on our new house last week, the day before Thanksgiving. We met the current (well previous now) owners who built the house. They are super nice and adopted their son...9 months later she was pregnant without IF treatments or help! Insane how things work out. They did share with us the adoption agency they used and we have emailed back and forth about buying some things from them that they don't have use for and she has said to feel free to ask if we had any questions along the way. We've been talking more about adoption recently and are definitely leaning that way. She was going to email me after they close on their house tomorrow to let me know what day they'll be out of there for sure. I think people come into our life for a reason and definitely feel like we found their house and things are falling into place like they should.
I've been sewing like a crazy lady the last few days, I'm trying to get a lot of projects I have in my mind done before we move.
Our real estate agent told us that he gives his clients all a voucher for a free Christmas tree from a local farm each year. I am so freaking excited. You go out on a big "sleigh" which is a wagon ride and actually cut down the tree yourself. You can make fresh wreaths in their shop and they have hot cocoa and HOLY SHIT I FEEL LIKE A KID IN A CANDY SHOP. We haven't ever had a real tree and threw ours out last year after the basement flooded...so this is super exciting and I am really looking forward to enjoying the day with Chris.
Okay...going to state it now and then be done because this is getting long.
My goal once we move is to......be totally unpacked before Christmas. We should be moving sometime like 12-13 of December....so it gives me about 10 days or so to move everything and unpack. A little insane and if I don't meet it, won't be the end of the world but the sooner we unpack and start to settle in, the better I'll feel. I hate digging in boxes trying to find what we need!
CD9 Update:
I got my fasting insulin and glucose levels back. My insulin was 22.7 and my glucose was 63. The insulin is higher than the RE likes for treatment purposes, so he put me back on 1500mg Metformin and I am also going to be low carb. Less than 30g of carbs per day. Some days have been better than others but it's definitely not easy and I seem to be hungry pretty much constantly. I had a really hard day on Thanksgiving with so much food around and not really being able to eat anything but turkey and cranberries with some water. Yea, it was that fun. Anyways....enough of that.
Here were my stats from the appt:
lining 9mm type 1
R ovary- 13mm, 15 under 10mm
L ovary- cl 14mm, 13mm, 13mm, (15mm), 8 under 10mm
e2- 204.8
p4- 0.4
Plan:
125IU Follistim
10cc low dose
CD11 Update:
11mm type 1
l ovary-- 20mm, 16mm, 14mm, ten under 10mm
r ovary--15mm, 14mm, ten under 10mm
e2--529
p4--0.4
insulin was high== 22.7
glucose was slightly low== 63
Plan:
75 IU follistim
15cc low dose
CD13 Update----here is where the fun begins:
lining 10mm type 1
R ovary-- 19mm, 17mm, 17mm, 14mm, 13mm, 4-5 less than 10mm
L ovary-- 24mm (cl), 20mm, 19mm, 17mm, 15mm, 13mm, a couple less than 10mm.
e2- 1500
p4- 0.4
IUI's canceled. The RE is not willing to risk his name/license to proceed with the risk of a higher order pregnancy. For each mature follicle you should have approx. 200pg/ml of estradiol. So if you look at my e2 levels, I have 7 maybe 8 mature follicles. Way too risky.
Have sex, risk of twins is 25% and triplets or higher 10-15%.
No sex, wait for next cycle to begin. Chance that cysts will be present and cancel next cycle as well.
However, the RE feels that the favor is in our odds that IF we do get pregnant, he thinks it will be a singleton. Without trigger, he is sure that TI is okay as I will most likely release the most mature egg, possibly a second mature but nothing more than that. He is comfortable if we make the decision to go ahead and try TI on our own this cycle.
I am mad because my nurse was out on vacation on CD11 when my low dose HCG was decreased to 10cc. I feel like just by decreasing it that little bit at the time when my follicles were growing at a more rapid pace that it screwed the whole cycle. The nurse that instructed me to decrease my low dose is newer to the clinic. She is also the one that lost our signed consent forms this cycle.
I talked to the RE about the issue with the low dose. He is confident that the decrease in low dose HCG didn't affect the outcome of the cycle and explained how she messed up. Clearly, the clinic needs to communicate better though...because this obviously was a mess up and if we were doing IVF, I'd be even more livid. The low dose HCG is mixed by them in their lab. The dose of 15cc is EQUAL to 10 units. So when the nurse told me to take 10 she meant units, which as a patient...I have no flucking clue that 10u = 15cc. The nurse should have just told me to take 15cc like they always do.
One plus is the RE said because of this cycle being canceled they will provide, free of charge my follistim for next cycle. That is very kind and definitely appreciated.
We'll look at doing another one in December but chances are we'll have to wait till January because of cysts from this past cycle being present.
I have requested that this nurse who messed up not give me results or orders. Chris also felt strongly about this. I understand we aren't doing IVF and investing as much but we are still paying close to 3k for each cycle, and this one was obviously a bust.
So we decided to do TI and I am approx 5dpo today. I'm not really having any symptoms other than sore nipples. To be honest, I don't really have much hope that this is our month. I mean, we've tried on our own for months without much success.
We closed on our new house last week, the day before Thanksgiving. We met the current (well previous now) owners who built the house. They are super nice and adopted their son...9 months later she was pregnant without IF treatments or help! Insane how things work out. They did share with us the adoption agency they used and we have emailed back and forth about buying some things from them that they don't have use for and she has said to feel free to ask if we had any questions along the way. We've been talking more about adoption recently and are definitely leaning that way. She was going to email me after they close on their house tomorrow to let me know what day they'll be out of there for sure. I think people come into our life for a reason and definitely feel like we found their house and things are falling into place like they should.
I've been sewing like a crazy lady the last few days, I'm trying to get a lot of projects I have in my mind done before we move.
Our real estate agent told us that he gives his clients all a voucher for a free Christmas tree from a local farm each year. I am so freaking excited. You go out on a big "sleigh" which is a wagon ride and actually cut down the tree yourself. You can make fresh wreaths in their shop and they have hot cocoa and HOLY SHIT I FEEL LIKE A KID IN A CANDY SHOP. We haven't ever had a real tree and threw ours out last year after the basement flooded...so this is super exciting and I am really looking forward to enjoying the day with Chris.
Okay...going to state it now and then be done because this is getting long.
My goal once we move is to......be totally unpacked before Christmas. We should be moving sometime like 12-13 of December....so it gives me about 10 days or so to move everything and unpack. A little insane and if I don't meet it, won't be the end of the world but the sooner we unpack and start to settle in, the better I'll feel. I hate digging in boxes trying to find what we need!
Friday, November 18, 2011
CD7 update
So I was waiting to hear back from the nurse today until I updated everything but the call didn't reveal the rest of the labs I was waiting for, they're still pending.
I went yesterday from my CD7 scan and labs.
I need to mention that I am about to ask my nurse to make sure I don't get a certain girl drawing my blood again. She seriously sucks and I get her every.single.time I am there. I honestly don't mind being stuck a couple times, but don't stick me...go through the vein and then proceed to DIG AROUND IN MY ARM. Yesterday I got a little nauseated when she was going pretty much 180 degrees in either way from where she put the needle in at. So my veins suck, bad....like if I were dying, I have one good vein in my left AC and the only other vein that is a guarantee hit would be my jugular in my neck. I have had so much blood drawn and pretty much all my IV's in my left AC because no one wants to deal with the shitty veins elsewhere.
So I have started limiting how much access I give to my left AC for blood draws. I am fearful that if there was a time where I really needed urgent fluids or blood drawn, they wouldn't be able to use my left AC b/c of scar tissue. So my idea is to only let them use that arm once every 7-10 days so it has sufficient time to heal.
So anyways my scan was okay. I still have some free fluid in my uterine cavity. The RE didn't seem too worried about it but I am worried b/c I am done bleeding and not really sure if it will interfere with getting and staying pregnant. Here are my stats from the scan:
R ovary- 12 follies less than 10mm
L ovary- 13mm, 12mm, 11mm. CL from last cycle 15mm. About 6 measuring less than 10mm.
Lining 5mm.
So my labs came back (except fasting insulin and glucose) and they were okay. I didn't note my CD3 labs, so I'll list both to compare. The RE isn't super satisfied with my e2 levels, he feels they should be higher so I did have to increase my stims and decrease the low dose.
CD3:
e2= 23.87
p4= 0.4
CD7:
e2= 57.28
p4= 0.4
So, here is the breakdown for meds for yesterday and today:
Increase follistim 125ic
Decrease low dose 10cc
I go back for a CD9 scan and labs tomorrow morning. I feel like things are moving along a lot faster this cycle than last. I had originally thought I was going to be triggering around Tues/Weds and IUI's would be Weds-Fri at some point. Now I think I'll be triggering Sun/Mon with IUI's somewhere between Mon-Weds.
Nothing is more fitting than basting my uterus with my husbands sperm a day or so before we baste the turkey for Thanksgiving. Sorry for the crudeness....I'm feeling a little feisty today.
All right, I'm off to walk the dog before it gets dark. I'll update tomorrow after I know more.
I went yesterday from my CD7 scan and labs.
I need to mention that I am about to ask my nurse to make sure I don't get a certain girl drawing my blood again. She seriously sucks and I get her every.single.time I am there. I honestly don't mind being stuck a couple times, but don't stick me...go through the vein and then proceed to DIG AROUND IN MY ARM. Yesterday I got a little nauseated when she was going pretty much 180 degrees in either way from where she put the needle in at. So my veins suck, bad....like if I were dying, I have one good vein in my left AC and the only other vein that is a guarantee hit would be my jugular in my neck. I have had so much blood drawn and pretty much all my IV's in my left AC because no one wants to deal with the shitty veins elsewhere.
So I have started limiting how much access I give to my left AC for blood draws. I am fearful that if there was a time where I really needed urgent fluids or blood drawn, they wouldn't be able to use my left AC b/c of scar tissue. So my idea is to only let them use that arm once every 7-10 days so it has sufficient time to heal.
So anyways my scan was okay. I still have some free fluid in my uterine cavity. The RE didn't seem too worried about it but I am worried b/c I am done bleeding and not really sure if it will interfere with getting and staying pregnant. Here are my stats from the scan:
R ovary- 12 follies less than 10mm
L ovary- 13mm, 12mm, 11mm. CL from last cycle 15mm. About 6 measuring less than 10mm.
Lining 5mm.
So my labs came back (except fasting insulin and glucose) and they were okay. I didn't note my CD3 labs, so I'll list both to compare. The RE isn't super satisfied with my e2 levels, he feels they should be higher so I did have to increase my stims and decrease the low dose.
CD3:
e2= 23.87
p4= 0.4
CD7:
e2= 57.28
p4= 0.4
So, here is the breakdown for meds for yesterday and today:
Increase follistim 125ic
Decrease low dose 10cc
I go back for a CD9 scan and labs tomorrow morning. I feel like things are moving along a lot faster this cycle than last. I had originally thought I was going to be triggering around Tues/Weds and IUI's would be Weds-Fri at some point. Now I think I'll be triggering Sun/Mon with IUI's somewhere between Mon-Weds.
Nothing is more fitting than basting my uterus with my husbands sperm a day or so before we baste the turkey for Thanksgiving. Sorry for the crudeness....I'm feeling a little feisty today.
All right, I'm off to walk the dog before it gets dark. I'll update tomorrow after I know more.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Unnecessary worrying
So I haven't posted in a few days, I'm not sure what my deal is...I'm tired maybe. I don't know, I'm sleeping plenty. As a matter of fact, I'm probably sleeping more than I need to. I'm bored and when boredom strikes, my mind begins to worry about every little thing.
I haven't really had anything to update fertility wise, I go for my CD7 scan and labs tomorrow morning. Otherwise I've been doing injections every night. Last cycle I was thinking I had some sort of stomach bug while using the injects because I went from constipated to diarrhea the entire time I was on the shots. I also had some nausea and fatigue. It did go away after I stopped the injections but I still thought it was just because of having some sort of stomach bug.
Well....tonight will be my fourth injection and I am having stomach issues and nausea again. So this is where my worrying comes in. Nausea is a sign of OHSS. I think I will mention it to the RE tomorrow. It'll actually be my RE (I haven't seen him in over a month since it's just happened to be the other RE on mornings when I've been there.) I hate being a worry wart and it's nearly impossible to NOT look things up on the internet. So I guess I'll just worry until tomorrow morning rolls around and I can see my insides on the screen.
Nothing much else to say...sorry for the boring update.
I haven't really had anything to update fertility wise, I go for my CD7 scan and labs tomorrow morning. Otherwise I've been doing injections every night. Last cycle I was thinking I had some sort of stomach bug while using the injects because I went from constipated to diarrhea the entire time I was on the shots. I also had some nausea and fatigue. It did go away after I stopped the injections but I still thought it was just because of having some sort of stomach bug.
Well....tonight will be my fourth injection and I am having stomach issues and nausea again. So this is where my worrying comes in. Nausea is a sign of OHSS. I think I will mention it to the RE tomorrow. It'll actually be my RE (I haven't seen him in over a month since it's just happened to be the other RE on mornings when I've been there.) I hate being a worry wart and it's nearly impossible to NOT look things up on the internet. So I guess I'll just worry until tomorrow morning rolls around and I can see my insides on the screen.
Nothing much else to say...sorry for the boring update.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
CD3, IUI #3
A few days late but better late than never.
We kind of contemplated taking the next 2 cycles off but decided that our excuse of the holidays wasn't really a good enough excuse.
So AF showed up on 11/11/11...what a marvelous fact I'll remember for the rest of my life. What was even better is that it was the middle of the night, so I woke up at 2:30am to a mess. I didn't have another pair of yoga pants in the bathroom but I did have a pair of meds fleece pants that I decided to put on so I didn't have to wake up Chris trying to find another pair of yoga pants to sleep in. I climbed back into bed and quickly realized that I would need a pair of yoga pants because I couldn't even move in the fleece ones. I dropped my phone in the closet using it as a light. In the end, I ended up waking up Chris but he didn't remember it in the morning.
I went for CD3 scan and labs today. My lining is at 2mm, I do have some free fluid in my uterus that is excess blood that I will lose. My right ovary had 22 follicles less than 10mm and my left ovary had about 10 follicles less than 10mm. I have 2 CL cysts on my left ovary (which is where I ovulated last cycle) that are measuring 20mm and 13mm. The 13mm one is collapsed on two sides and the RE said as long as neither are making any hormones we're good to go this cycle.
One of the nurses called today and my labs looked good. My e2 was 23 and fsh was 6.1 so things are moving forward.
I'll be using follistim and low dose hcg during stims again and ovidrel at trigger. We will automatically put me on Prometrium 200mg 2X a day vaginally at 3dpo. The RE said it is NOT normal for AF to show up early while using injects or on any medicated cycle.
I am still angry that last cycle was a bust because my LP wasn't even long enough to have an implantation. It seems like it was a waste of money, meds and time on everyone's part. At least we tweaked how I responded and can have a better idea of how this cycle will go, if it happens like last time.
Thats all for now, just hoping that lucky IUI #3 is our shot.
We kind of contemplated taking the next 2 cycles off but decided that our excuse of the holidays wasn't really a good enough excuse.
So AF showed up on 11/11/11...what a marvelous fact I'll remember for the rest of my life. What was even better is that it was the middle of the night, so I woke up at 2:30am to a mess. I didn't have another pair of yoga pants in the bathroom but I did have a pair of meds fleece pants that I decided to put on so I didn't have to wake up Chris trying to find another pair of yoga pants to sleep in. I climbed back into bed and quickly realized that I would need a pair of yoga pants because I couldn't even move in the fleece ones. I dropped my phone in the closet using it as a light. In the end, I ended up waking up Chris but he didn't remember it in the morning.
I went for CD3 scan and labs today. My lining is at 2mm, I do have some free fluid in my uterus that is excess blood that I will lose. My right ovary had 22 follicles less than 10mm and my left ovary had about 10 follicles less than 10mm. I have 2 CL cysts on my left ovary (which is where I ovulated last cycle) that are measuring 20mm and 13mm. The 13mm one is collapsed on two sides and the RE said as long as neither are making any hormones we're good to go this cycle.
One of the nurses called today and my labs looked good. My e2 was 23 and fsh was 6.1 so things are moving forward.
I'll be using follistim and low dose hcg during stims again and ovidrel at trigger. We will automatically put me on Prometrium 200mg 2X a day vaginally at 3dpo. The RE said it is NOT normal for AF to show up early while using injects or on any medicated cycle.
I am still angry that last cycle was a bust because my LP wasn't even long enough to have an implantation. It seems like it was a waste of money, meds and time on everyone's part. At least we tweaked how I responded and can have a better idea of how this cycle will go, if it happens like last time.
Thats all for now, just hoping that lucky IUI #3 is our shot.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
spotty spot spot
Yup, you got it....looks like AF will be here even before my dumb beta.
I have had some pretty decent cramping for the last few days (two days for sure, probably three that it's been bothering me.)
When I got up this morning (at 4:30am!!) I went pee, took a pregnancy test that was obviously more negative than negative could be. And when I wiped....there was spotting.
Awesome. Well, not really but I did know that this cycle was a bust early on.
I'm thinking AF will show either later today or sometime tomorrow.
I'm trying to decide if doing treatment cycles the next two months are worth it or not. I know the holidays add their own unique stress but shooting up hormones while trying to get through the holidays may make for some very enjoyable (not) holidays for everyone that has to deal with me.
If we do another IUI right now (well, this coming cycle that should be starting in a day or so) and it doesn't work, we can do one final one in December and gear up for IVF in late Jan/early Feb 2012. Or we can do a third and final IUI right now and take December off and start IVF in Jan/Feb.
I have to talk to my husband about all this as these are just thoughts going through my head.
Or, we can just stop trying to have a kid and adopt another dog and just be pet lovers. Way easier, their shit decomposes outside and you can put them in a crate and leave.
I also have to say it....the Duggars make me sick. Seriously, TWENTY??? What a farking joke. God doesn't bless you, you're just blessed with fertility and horny. Really though, how the hell do they even find time to have sex?!?!
Yes, I am bitter today. And you know what, I'm allowed to be. If you don't like it or want to deal with it, simply find the little "x" and click on it.
I have to say I am super thankful we didn't lose power last night. I really was worried we were going to and I'd have to deal with the generator and I can't start that damn thing. Plus, with the inspection this morning I was super nervous that the power wouldn't be back on.
I'm also thankful for chocolate. Yes, I have had even more in the last day or so. I also plan on ordering greasy pizza for dinner and having a drink with it.
Ok, I think I've made my point. I'll update again in a day or two when I've decided on what we'll do and am not so bitter and crabby.
I have had some pretty decent cramping for the last few days (two days for sure, probably three that it's been bothering me.)
When I got up this morning (at 4:30am!!) I went pee, took a pregnancy test that was obviously more negative than negative could be. And when I wiped....there was spotting.
Awesome. Well, not really but I did know that this cycle was a bust early on.
I'm thinking AF will show either later today or sometime tomorrow.
I'm trying to decide if doing treatment cycles the next two months are worth it or not. I know the holidays add their own unique stress but shooting up hormones while trying to get through the holidays may make for some very enjoyable (not) holidays for everyone that has to deal with me.
If we do another IUI right now (well, this coming cycle that should be starting in a day or so) and it doesn't work, we can do one final one in December and gear up for IVF in late Jan/early Feb 2012. Or we can do a third and final IUI right now and take December off and start IVF in Jan/Feb.
I have to talk to my husband about all this as these are just thoughts going through my head.
Or, we can just stop trying to have a kid and adopt another dog and just be pet lovers. Way easier, their shit decomposes outside and you can put them in a crate and leave.
I also have to say it....the Duggars make me sick. Seriously, TWENTY??? What a farking joke. God doesn't bless you, you're just blessed with fertility and horny. Really though, how the hell do they even find time to have sex?!?!
Yes, I am bitter today. And you know what, I'm allowed to be. If you don't like it or want to deal with it, simply find the little "x" and click on it.
I have to say I am super thankful we didn't lose power last night. I really was worried we were going to and I'd have to deal with the generator and I can't start that damn thing. Plus, with the inspection this morning I was super nervous that the power wouldn't be back on.
I'm also thankful for chocolate. Yes, I have had even more in the last day or so. I also plan on ordering greasy pizza for dinner and having a drink with it.
Ok, I think I've made my point. I'll update again in a day or two when I've decided on what we'll do and am not so bitter and crabby.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Three days and other ramblings.
So, I called today to move my beta up. I didn't give the nurse any reasoning and just said I wouldn't be available Sunday. My usual nurse is out until the 18th...so I spoke with someone else. I also asked for a refill on my PNV's. I usually use Walgreens but had her call it into Meijer so I could get the free ones. I feel guilty getting free ones though, they are not the same and I feel like somehow they are not as "good" as the Prefera OB w/DHA that I've been taking for the last year.
So, Saturday will be the day of doom. I'm already trying to prep my brain that I know it'll be negative.
I have been testing out my trigger, I'm 12dpt today. At 10dpt, the test line was gone. Yesterday at 11dpt, it was back faint but definitely there. Today at 12dpt, there was nothing there. We're talking stark white, can't get anymore negative nothing there. I honestly didn't get too excited yesterday with the faint line because I didn't expect this cycle to work. I kept telling myself that it was just the trigger fooling me. I was not surprised this morning when it was clearly negative. Actually, I wasn't that disappointed either. I knew yesterday was just a fluke.
I caved after 26 days of no candy, caffeine or fast food. I got all 3 in one day. Oops. I actually bought a bag of hersheys kisses, the hugs ones. They are pretty good, I have to ration myself so I don't get out of control again.
On Monday I made the dog a bright orange vest to wear for when we walk him in the woods. It turned out pretty nice. It fit him nicely and I was pretty happy that I made it in a few hours. I killed my hips and back though because I just sat on the hardwood floor and used the foot pedal with my hand. I'm still paying the price for that a few days later. Yesterday I made him booties for walking in the snow with. They turned out nice too. I need to make a few more pairs since they will get dirty and need to be washed daily. I think I will make the next 2 pairs just a little bit bigger than the first pair I did. Otherwise, I'm happy with them. Here's a pictures of pup in his new vest!
We have the inspection here tomorrow, 8:30am. Yikes that's early but don't worry...I'll be up. I've been up by 5am everyday this week from the dumb time change.
It's raining here today and supposed to snow tomorrow. Oh joy, I can hardly wait.
I have a massive amount of laundry to do but still haven't started it. I am procrastinating but am contemplating taking a nap. It's so gloomy and cold here today, I just want to snuggle in the bed.
So, Saturday will be the day of doom. I'm already trying to prep my brain that I know it'll be negative.
I have been testing out my trigger, I'm 12dpt today. At 10dpt, the test line was gone. Yesterday at 11dpt, it was back faint but definitely there. Today at 12dpt, there was nothing there. We're talking stark white, can't get anymore negative nothing there. I honestly didn't get too excited yesterday with the faint line because I didn't expect this cycle to work. I kept telling myself that it was just the trigger fooling me. I was not surprised this morning when it was clearly negative. Actually, I wasn't that disappointed either. I knew yesterday was just a fluke.
I caved after 26 days of no candy, caffeine or fast food. I got all 3 in one day. Oops. I actually bought a bag of hersheys kisses, the hugs ones. They are pretty good, I have to ration myself so I don't get out of control again.
On Monday I made the dog a bright orange vest to wear for when we walk him in the woods. It turned out pretty nice. It fit him nicely and I was pretty happy that I made it in a few hours. I killed my hips and back though because I just sat on the hardwood floor and used the foot pedal with my hand. I'm still paying the price for that a few days later. Yesterday I made him booties for walking in the snow with. They turned out nice too. I need to make a few more pairs since they will get dirty and need to be washed daily. I think I will make the next 2 pairs just a little bit bigger than the first pair I did. Otherwise, I'm happy with them. Here's a pictures of pup in his new vest!
We have the inspection here tomorrow, 8:30am. Yikes that's early but don't worry...I'll be up. I've been up by 5am everyday this week from the dumb time change.
It's raining here today and supposed to snow tomorrow. Oh joy, I can hardly wait.
I have a massive amount of laundry to do but still haven't started it. I am procrastinating but am contemplating taking a nap. It's so gloomy and cold here today, I just want to snuggle in the bed.
Monday, November 7, 2011
"The antidote to depression is compassion"
We had a nice weekend even though I wasn't feeling great. I think I am coming down with a cold, it started late last week and seems to just be sorta hanging on. Nothing bad, more of an annoyance than anything.
It was stunning here this weekend, the weather was gorgeous and pretty much perfect fall weather. Sunny, clear skies and crisp mornings with beautiful afternoons. The time change was (and always is) a little rough on me.
Yesterday we celebrated Nana's birthday, she will be 87 in a few days. It was nice to see the family and spend a day just enjoying being with each other and celebrating Nana.
I went to yoga yesterday morning, it was the first time with this particular instructor and I really enjoyed her class. It was tough, we did a lot of sun salutations and after a few together she let us go at our own pace. Near the end of the class, we were doing some gentle stretching and relaxing and the instructor said a lot of uplifting things. I think the one that rings true to me right now is the quote I have for today's entry. She also reminded us to check in with ourselves every couple of hours and see what kind of person we have been to others, where have our thoughts been and where do we want our thoughts to be for the next few hours. It was an excellent reminder that although you may have a bad moment, don't let it ruin your entire day.
Dealing with infertility and pregnancy loss can bring you down lower than you thought you'd ever go. Although I have many friends (online and a few IRL) that can relate I still feel so alone on this journey. I often feel depressed and worthless. I think what she said really was a blessing and reminder to me to continue to be compassionate towards others and it will lift me up.
So we also received some really exciting news yesterday. We were with my husbands family and I went to get my phone. I had a voicemail from the real estate companies phone number, instead of calling them back right away I listened to my voicemail. It was our agent and we had an offer on the house!!!! I motioned for Chris to come outside and told him (it was really loud in the house.) We called our agent back and got the details. We ended up discussing it and countering back. Our agent was on the road in between showings so we didn't expect to hear back from him last night at all. We left my inlaws house around 5pm. It was maybe 6pm or so and we were relaxing on the couch and he called. They accepted our counter offer! Closing will be within 45 days and they will get possession at closing.
I AM SO RELIEVED!!! I was so worried we were going to have to go through the holidays with two houses and two mortgages. I have been stressing so much about it and more so about not being able to truly celebrate the holidays because money was too tight.
Oh...if the papers are signed today, closing will be before or on 12/21/11.
Our new house closing should be around the 22nd of this month. We gave the current owners an additional 45 days after closing. Which, if you do the math.....we may be homeless for a few weeks. Because 45 days after closing brings us to 01/06/12.
We can stay with family for a few weeks, we'll deal but it'll definitely be hard right at the holidays but I think the worst part will be having to move twice...once wherever we go and then a few weeks later again. Hopefully this will be our last move for many, many years! : )
It was stunning here this weekend, the weather was gorgeous and pretty much perfect fall weather. Sunny, clear skies and crisp mornings with beautiful afternoons. The time change was (and always is) a little rough on me.
Yesterday we celebrated Nana's birthday, she will be 87 in a few days. It was nice to see the family and spend a day just enjoying being with each other and celebrating Nana.
I went to yoga yesterday morning, it was the first time with this particular instructor and I really enjoyed her class. It was tough, we did a lot of sun salutations and after a few together she let us go at our own pace. Near the end of the class, we were doing some gentle stretching and relaxing and the instructor said a lot of uplifting things. I think the one that rings true to me right now is the quote I have for today's entry. She also reminded us to check in with ourselves every couple of hours and see what kind of person we have been to others, where have our thoughts been and where do we want our thoughts to be for the next few hours. It was an excellent reminder that although you may have a bad moment, don't let it ruin your entire day.
Dealing with infertility and pregnancy loss can bring you down lower than you thought you'd ever go. Although I have many friends (online and a few IRL) that can relate I still feel so alone on this journey. I often feel depressed and worthless. I think what she said really was a blessing and reminder to me to continue to be compassionate towards others and it will lift me up.
So we also received some really exciting news yesterday. We were with my husbands family and I went to get my phone. I had a voicemail from the real estate companies phone number, instead of calling them back right away I listened to my voicemail. It was our agent and we had an offer on the house!!!! I motioned for Chris to come outside and told him (it was really loud in the house.) We called our agent back and got the details. We ended up discussing it and countering back. Our agent was on the road in between showings so we didn't expect to hear back from him last night at all. We left my inlaws house around 5pm. It was maybe 6pm or so and we were relaxing on the couch and he called. They accepted our counter offer! Closing will be within 45 days and they will get possession at closing.
I AM SO RELIEVED!!! I was so worried we were going to have to go through the holidays with two houses and two mortgages. I have been stressing so much about it and more so about not being able to truly celebrate the holidays because money was too tight.
Oh...if the papers are signed today, closing will be before or on 12/21/11.
Our new house closing should be around the 22nd of this month. We gave the current owners an additional 45 days after closing. Which, if you do the math.....we may be homeless for a few weeks. Because 45 days after closing brings us to 01/06/12.
We can stay with family for a few weeks, we'll deal but it'll definitely be hard right at the holidays but I think the worst part will be having to move twice...once wherever we go and then a few weeks later again. Hopefully this will be our last move for many, many years! : )
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Disappointed
So yesterday was great (with the exception of my p4 results but we'll get to that in a bit.)
I started out early, I had to get to the clinic for my blood work. I woke up around 5:15 am and decided to hop in the shower so I could be done before Chris got up for work. I was excited to wear some of my new clothes that my mom bought me, I didn't feel like the usual slouch in just jeans and a t-shirt. I also actually did my hair, which made me feel good too.
Once I got home I had to pick things up and I made 2 loaves of banana bread. We had some people coming to look at the house so I needed to get out and figured since it was a beautiful day I would walk the dog. The people arrived early and I was rushing to get out of the house before they saw me. Literally as I closed the door to the laundry room they were opening the front door. Pup enjoyed the walk, we took our time since the people had a full hour. About 35 min later I got back to our street and saw the cars were gone so I came back home.
I had to get pup's crate back together and had about 15 minutes to get my knitting bag together before I had to leave for my knitting class. I'm working on the same Christmas stocking that is going to be the death of me. Yesterday I finished the heel turn and am now in the foot of the sock. I'll be at the toe soon and will hopefully get started on the next one within the week. I need them done before Christmas!
Once I got home from knitting class I ate some early dinner and relaxed for a couple of hours, I really should have napped but didn't want to sleep like crap so I forced myself to stay awake.
I heard from my nurse around 2:15pm. My p4 results are right on the border. They like to see them 10 or above and mine was right at 10. I was really hoping that it would be a little higher and am pretty disappointed. She said I don't need to start progesterone, which is a good thing but I am not sure if I'm comfortable with this. I know I was 3dpo for the p4 check and I'm comparing what my previous doctor wanted at 7dpo. I know I shouldn't worry and I'm not panicking but I am definitely nervous that it's not higher. I'm not having much for symptoms, my boobs are sore but I think that's from the trigger. I also have had gas but I've been eating a fair amount of pasta. I am testing out the trigger, it seems to be fading slower than last cycle.
I go in for my beta on the 13th. I plan on calling and asking the nurse today if I can move it to the 12th. The 13th is not a good day at all. It is the 1 year anniversary of my D&C and also grandmas death. I had my D&C early in the morning, we got home around 11am and both laid down. When we woke up, I told Chris I wanted to go see grandma and he started crying saying that she passed away just a short time ago. I feel really dumb to ask to come a day earlier but I honestly don't want anything else negative added to the day. Obviously I intend on hearing that my beta is negative. Not having much hope this cycle at all....negative nancy, I know.
Last night I also went to yoga, it was amazing. I felt great during and after. The instructor was wonderful, I expected to need a lot more help but only needed correcting once because I was stretching too far in triangle pose. I am really glad I asked for this as a birthday gift, I think I am going to really enjoy it immensely.
I'm not sure what today holds, Chris is on his first day of a four day. I'm hoping to get out and walk on the trail with him and the dog. I'm making minestrone for dinner. I plan on going to yoga tonight again.
Tomorrow I'm meeting with a fellow IF friend. She is in the middle of her second IVF cycle. I'm not sure what we're planning to do yet but I'm looking forward to seeing her. I also am going to a Resolve meeting tomorrow night, it's a different one than the first meeting I went to. I hope this one is a better fit for me.
Thats all for now....off to unload the dishwasher and do a few things around the house before Chris gets home.
I started out early, I had to get to the clinic for my blood work. I woke up around 5:15 am and decided to hop in the shower so I could be done before Chris got up for work. I was excited to wear some of my new clothes that my mom bought me, I didn't feel like the usual slouch in just jeans and a t-shirt. I also actually did my hair, which made me feel good too.
Once I got home I had to pick things up and I made 2 loaves of banana bread. We had some people coming to look at the house so I needed to get out and figured since it was a beautiful day I would walk the dog. The people arrived early and I was rushing to get out of the house before they saw me. Literally as I closed the door to the laundry room they were opening the front door. Pup enjoyed the walk, we took our time since the people had a full hour. About 35 min later I got back to our street and saw the cars were gone so I came back home.
I had to get pup's crate back together and had about 15 minutes to get my knitting bag together before I had to leave for my knitting class. I'm working on the same Christmas stocking that is going to be the death of me. Yesterday I finished the heel turn and am now in the foot of the sock. I'll be at the toe soon and will hopefully get started on the next one within the week. I need them done before Christmas!
Once I got home from knitting class I ate some early dinner and relaxed for a couple of hours, I really should have napped but didn't want to sleep like crap so I forced myself to stay awake.
I heard from my nurse around 2:15pm. My p4 results are right on the border. They like to see them 10 or above and mine was right at 10. I was really hoping that it would be a little higher and am pretty disappointed. She said I don't need to start progesterone, which is a good thing but I am not sure if I'm comfortable with this. I know I was 3dpo for the p4 check and I'm comparing what my previous doctor wanted at 7dpo. I know I shouldn't worry and I'm not panicking but I am definitely nervous that it's not higher. I'm not having much for symptoms, my boobs are sore but I think that's from the trigger. I also have had gas but I've been eating a fair amount of pasta. I am testing out the trigger, it seems to be fading slower than last cycle.
I go in for my beta on the 13th. I plan on calling and asking the nurse today if I can move it to the 12th. The 13th is not a good day at all. It is the 1 year anniversary of my D&C and also grandmas death. I had my D&C early in the morning, we got home around 11am and both laid down. When we woke up, I told Chris I wanted to go see grandma and he started crying saying that she passed away just a short time ago. I feel really dumb to ask to come a day earlier but I honestly don't want anything else negative added to the day. Obviously I intend on hearing that my beta is negative. Not having much hope this cycle at all....negative nancy, I know.
Last night I also went to yoga, it was amazing. I felt great during and after. The instructor was wonderful, I expected to need a lot more help but only needed correcting once because I was stretching too far in triangle pose. I am really glad I asked for this as a birthday gift, I think I am going to really enjoy it immensely.
I'm not sure what today holds, Chris is on his first day of a four day. I'm hoping to get out and walk on the trail with him and the dog. I'm making minestrone for dinner. I plan on going to yoga tonight again.
Tomorrow I'm meeting with a fellow IF friend. She is in the middle of her second IVF cycle. I'm not sure what we're planning to do yet but I'm looking forward to seeing her. I also am going to a Resolve meeting tomorrow night, it's a different one than the first meeting I went to. I hope this one is a better fit for me.
Thats all for now....off to unload the dishwasher and do a few things around the house before Chris gets home.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
November, already?!?
I can't believe that this year has gone by so quickly!
I am in the 2ww and just trying to get by each day. I go tomorrow for my p4 check. I am 99% sure I will be put on a supplement again. I am not feeling too good about this cycle, it doesn't help when I just have to wait it out. I'm bored and there isn't much left to do around the house.
So I had a really nice weekend but I accidentally caffeinated myself. I was meeting a good friend at Starbucks and there was no where to sit. So we walked over to Caribou, I have been there once but it was during the summer and I just ordered whatever my friend got. So I panicked a little because I wasn't sure what I should get. I ended up getting a vanilla northern lite but totally spaced and forgot to ask for caffeine free. I had the first two sips and upon swallowing my third sip, I realized and had a mini mental panic attack. I didn't drink anymore, felt guilty and ended up throwing the rest out. I still feel guilty.
I think I am going to ask for a 3 month unlimited package for yoga for my birthday. I am going to ask for it early so I can start sooner, rather than in a month. Once I talk to my mom, I may go there later today and see if I can sign up.
I am making spaghetti with garlic pita tonight, I am craving it beyond belief.
I am watching Ellen right now, I really love her. She makes me laugh every single time I watch her. I'd love to be on her show.
I need to get working on my knitting again, I need them done before Christmas and I have half of one done. I have class tomorrow from 12-2 but need to get some done today too!
I am in the 2ww and just trying to get by each day. I go tomorrow for my p4 check. I am 99% sure I will be put on a supplement again. I am not feeling too good about this cycle, it doesn't help when I just have to wait it out. I'm bored and there isn't much left to do around the house.
So I had a really nice weekend but I accidentally caffeinated myself. I was meeting a good friend at Starbucks and there was no where to sit. So we walked over to Caribou, I have been there once but it was during the summer and I just ordered whatever my friend got. So I panicked a little because I wasn't sure what I should get. I ended up getting a vanilla northern lite but totally spaced and forgot to ask for caffeine free. I had the first two sips and upon swallowing my third sip, I realized and had a mini mental panic attack. I didn't drink anymore, felt guilty and ended up throwing the rest out. I still feel guilty.
I think I am going to ask for a 3 month unlimited package for yoga for my birthday. I am going to ask for it early so I can start sooner, rather than in a month. Once I talk to my mom, I may go there later today and see if I can sign up.
I am making spaghetti with garlic pita tonight, I am craving it beyond belief.
I am watching Ellen right now, I really love her. She makes me laugh every single time I watch her. I'd love to be on her show.
I need to get working on my knitting again, I need them done before Christmas and I have half of one done. I have class tomorrow from 12-2 but need to get some done today too!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Holy sore ( . ) ( . ) batman!
So I gave myself the trigger shot last night, maybe last IUI cycle I didn't realize quite how sore it made my boobs but darn do they hurt!
I was late for my insemination this morning, had a rough start to the morning and wasn't able to get out of the house on time. I called and they said it was fine, so I got there as quickly as I could.
Either way, the RE said Chris provided an awesome sample of "rockets." He had 8.9 million good sperm left after they spun them for 45 minutes. I go back again tomorrow and although I know the sample won't be as good since he gave one today and his body won't have the time to recover and the morph will most likely be off but lets hope there is 1 or 2 swimmers in there going to the egg!
I am having some twinges and little cramping here and there but don't think I have actually released either egg yet. I am thinking tomorrow morning I'll have some more cramping pick up and will mark tomorrow as O day.
My mom took me to get a mani/pedi today, we had a wonderful time. I got a dark red/pink on my toes and I got clear on my nails. We also went shopping, she bought me a cute sweater, a mini nail kit for my purse and mini tweezers for my purse. She also gave me a cute pair of slippers and a little make up bag from Clinique! We went to dinner after then came home and walked the dog. It was such a nice day! Thanks mom :)
I think I'm just going to kick back and relax the rest of the night. I feel like I could go to bed right now but I need to try to stay up a little bit longer.
I think Chris and I are going to pick up season 5 of Dexter tomorrow, it's ready at the library for us. I am excited to start it and see what happens! I am also meeting a good friend tomorrow for tea, I am definitely looking forward to seeing her.
I was late for my insemination this morning, had a rough start to the morning and wasn't able to get out of the house on time. I called and they said it was fine, so I got there as quickly as I could.
Either way, the RE said Chris provided an awesome sample of "rockets." He had 8.9 million good sperm left after they spun them for 45 minutes. I go back again tomorrow and although I know the sample won't be as good since he gave one today and his body won't have the time to recover and the morph will most likely be off but lets hope there is 1 or 2 swimmers in there going to the egg!
I am having some twinges and little cramping here and there but don't think I have actually released either egg yet. I am thinking tomorrow morning I'll have some more cramping pick up and will mark tomorrow as O day.
My mom took me to get a mani/pedi today, we had a wonderful time. I got a dark red/pink on my toes and I got clear on my nails. We also went shopping, she bought me a cute sweater, a mini nail kit for my purse and mini tweezers for my purse. She also gave me a cute pair of slippers and a little make up bag from Clinique! We went to dinner after then came home and walked the dog. It was such a nice day! Thanks mom :)
I think I'm just going to kick back and relax the rest of the night. I feel like I could go to bed right now but I need to try to stay up a little bit longer.
I think Chris and I are going to pick up season 5 of Dexter tomorrow, it's ready at the library for us. I am excited to start it and see what happens! I am also meeting a good friend tomorrow for tea, I am definitely looking forward to seeing her.
Friday, October 28, 2011
And then there were two....
I went yesterday (Thursday) and again today for ultrasounds and lab work. I am so tired of getting my arm poked, I can't imagine going through IVF and having more monitoring.
I actually got poked twice today, again! They tried in my right hand first and she was digging around and I finally said I had enough. She went to my wrist and dug around minimally but finally got the vein and blood.
The waiting room was packed today for some reason, it was the usual time I go too.
Yesterday I had 3 follicles, two at 16mm and one at 14mm. My lining was at 9mm yesterday.
Today I have 2 mature follicles, one at 19mm and one at 18mm. My lining is 11mm now. The RE said my lining and follicles were beautiful. I am so so thankful that they have monitored me so well and tweaked my medications each day so that I didn't over respond. I am definitely okay with two mature follicles, an extra target for the swimmers to aim for. I have one on each ovary as well....so no matter what tube the sperm swim up, they will be an egg waiting for them!
I trigger tonight between 8:30-9:00pm. I hope this one doesn't hurt too bad. The other ones haven't hurt but boy am I bruised!
I have to post a funny too. Pooping isn't really a talked about subject but my stomach has been so off and on this past week while on meds. This morning I got up and got ready for my appointment. I drove to the office and about a mile away I felt like I had to go poop. I was hoping to get into the building at the opposite end so I could sneak into the bathroom before my labs and ultrasound but the door was locked!! So I just went into the office and hoped the urge would go away until I got back home. The urge did indeed go away but here is the funny part (at least I think it was funny.) When the RE did the ultrasound, you could see that my bowels were full. I totally recognized on the screen and I know the RE did too. I'm sure it's not the first time they have seen this but it still made me laugh a little.
I ended up telling my husband this story and he told me he was disgusted and never wanted to hear about my full bowels ever again. HAHAHAHAH
So anyways, tomorrow my husband gets to visit the "spank room" as he calls it and then go to work. Shortly after I will arrive and they will do the IUI. Sunday he gets another visit to his special room and we'll do another IUI.
Four days later, I'll go for a p4 check. Hoping that is good and that I don't need progesterone this time again.
Eleven days after that I'll go for a beta. I do plan on testing out my trigger and will post some pictures. Rinse and repeat unless the beta is positive....which I am not too hopeful for. I hate to be negative but I don't want to get my hopes up to have them crash down if it doesn't work.
I actually got poked twice today, again! They tried in my right hand first and she was digging around and I finally said I had enough. She went to my wrist and dug around minimally but finally got the vein and blood.
The waiting room was packed today for some reason, it was the usual time I go too.
Yesterday I had 3 follicles, two at 16mm and one at 14mm. My lining was at 9mm yesterday.
Today I have 2 mature follicles, one at 19mm and one at 18mm. My lining is 11mm now. The RE said my lining and follicles were beautiful. I am so so thankful that they have monitored me so well and tweaked my medications each day so that I didn't over respond. I am definitely okay with two mature follicles, an extra target for the swimmers to aim for. I have one on each ovary as well....so no matter what tube the sperm swim up, they will be an egg waiting for them!
I trigger tonight between 8:30-9:00pm. I hope this one doesn't hurt too bad. The other ones haven't hurt but boy am I bruised!
I have to post a funny too. Pooping isn't really a talked about subject but my stomach has been so off and on this past week while on meds. This morning I got up and got ready for my appointment. I drove to the office and about a mile away I felt like I had to go poop. I was hoping to get into the building at the opposite end so I could sneak into the bathroom before my labs and ultrasound but the door was locked!! So I just went into the office and hoped the urge would go away until I got back home. The urge did indeed go away but here is the funny part (at least I think it was funny.) When the RE did the ultrasound, you could see that my bowels were full. I totally recognized on the screen and I know the RE did too. I'm sure it's not the first time they have seen this but it still made me laugh a little.
I ended up telling my husband this story and he told me he was disgusted and never wanted to hear about my full bowels ever again. HAHAHAHAH
So anyways, tomorrow my husband gets to visit the "spank room" as he calls it and then go to work. Shortly after I will arrive and they will do the IUI. Sunday he gets another visit to his special room and we'll do another IUI.
Four days later, I'll go for a p4 check. Hoping that is good and that I don't need progesterone this time again.
Eleven days after that I'll go for a beta. I do plan on testing out my trigger and will post some pictures. Rinse and repeat unless the beta is positive....which I am not too hopeful for. I hate to be negative but I don't want to get my hopes up to have them crash down if it doesn't work.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
CD9 update
So I went in again yesterday morning, things are still looking good but the decreased dose of FSH didn't help my follicles grow as much as they had hoped. I still have 5 lead follies (thankfully more didn't grow!) that are measuring 14mm, 13mm, 12mm and two 11mm. My lining is at 10mm, which is awesome. My previous cycle on Clomid my lining on day of trigger was 6mm (which was CD14.) So my lining is thicker now, 5 days earlier than it was our previous IUI.
All my hormone levels looked good.
The plan:
Increase FSH to 75IU's for 2 nights
Continue 15cc low dose HCG for 2 nights
Come back in Thursday 10/27 morning for another scan and labs. They're also going to check my prolactin levels again. So after 10pm tonight, I need to fast so that I can have that blood work done as well.
Tuesday they had to poke me twice since my vein didn't cooperate the first time. She started digging around trying to find the vein and I ended up telling her to just try again on my other arm. I don't mind needles or being poked and can generally take pretty much anything but I really get a little sick to my stomach when someone is digging for a vein.
We took the dog to the bark park today, he flew around like a maniac. I ended up walking around the perimeter of the park to walk a full mile, I actually ran/jogged a loop of it but then remembered that the RE doesn't like workouts except for walking during stims. We were there maybe an hour or so and I gave pup a bath when we got home.
Chris and I actually took a nap today, I think it was a 2.5-3 hour nap. It was wonderful but I am still feeling like I could go to bed right now. Chris is gone to a union meeting so pup and I are just hanging out on the couch. I've gotta be up early tomorrow for my appointment so I will probably go to bed in the next hour or two.
I didn't get a chance to talk about it but I went to a Resolve meeting for the first time last week. I think I like the idea but I am not sure if that specific meeting is for me. I may try out a different one that's a little bit closer to home for me. That one is the first Friday of each month, so it's coming up.
All my hormone levels looked good.
The plan:
Increase FSH to 75IU's for 2 nights
Continue 15cc low dose HCG for 2 nights
Come back in Thursday 10/27 morning for another scan and labs. They're also going to check my prolactin levels again. So after 10pm tonight, I need to fast so that I can have that blood work done as well.
Tuesday they had to poke me twice since my vein didn't cooperate the first time. She started digging around trying to find the vein and I ended up telling her to just try again on my other arm. I don't mind needles or being poked and can generally take pretty much anything but I really get a little sick to my stomach when someone is digging for a vein.
We took the dog to the bark park today, he flew around like a maniac. I ended up walking around the perimeter of the park to walk a full mile, I actually ran/jogged a loop of it but then remembered that the RE doesn't like workouts except for walking during stims. We were there maybe an hour or so and I gave pup a bath when we got home.
Chris and I actually took a nap today, I think it was a 2.5-3 hour nap. It was wonderful but I am still feeling like I could go to bed right now. Chris is gone to a union meeting so pup and I are just hanging out on the couch. I've gotta be up early tomorrow for my appointment so I will probably go to bed in the next hour or two.
I didn't get a chance to talk about it but I went to a Resolve meeting for the first time last week. I think I like the idea but I am not sure if that specific meeting is for me. I may try out a different one that's a little bit closer to home for me. That one is the first Friday of each month, so it's coming up.
Monday, October 24, 2011
A day late....
I'm a day late at updating yesterdays (Sundays 10/19) ultrasound and lab check.
Things looked good, my lining has thickened and was 6mm, there are 5 lead follies (13mm, 12mm and three 11mm) with about 25 more under 10mm between the two ovaries that the RE said will start to grow as well. I kind of started freaking out a little bit about having too many mature follies at trigger time. I asked the RE (it wasn't my usual doctor, it's the other one in the practice) when they would cancel the cycle. She said they wouldn't cancel it. I panicked a little more and said...."Well, I don't want multiples." Then I back-tracked and said I'd be okay with twins but really would rather just have one baby at a time. She looked at my chart and then realized that we're doing IUI. She thought we were doing IVF!!! OMG. Total freak out. She then said we'd back my injects down but wanted to see how my labs looked. So...the plan for last night and tonight is....
50IU Follistim
15cc Low Dose HCG
I go back tomorrow morning for another ultrasound and more labs. We'll see what things are looking like and have a better plan for when the IUI's will be. I'm thinking trigger Weds night and IUI's on Thurs and Fri morning.
The injections are going well. I had a little freak out when I gave myself my 4th injection, the vial should have been empty since it was a 300IU vial and I had given myself four 75IU injections out of it. There is a good amount left, I wasn't sure if I forgot to dial the inject up one evening or what. I found out that they overfill them and I can use up the rest of what's in there. If my dose is higher than what is left, it'll just stop at whatever is in there and the dial won't go completely down. Then I can re-load the new vial and begin again. Whew!
I have lost 5 pounds in the last 5 days. I haven't had much of an appetite and have been a little nauseated on top of fatigue. My stomach has been a little iffy after eating as well. I was walking the dog this afternoon and had a thought. I think the low dose HCG is making me feel this way. After all, it's the pregnancy hormone. I actually almost feel a little bit like I'm early in a pregnancy. I have to think that this is the cause. I am not complaining about the weight loss, I'm a little chunky right now but I am glad I kind of have an idea as to the cause of feeling crappy.
That's all for now...gonna relax for a bit and take it easy.
Things looked good, my lining has thickened and was 6mm, there are 5 lead follies (13mm, 12mm and three 11mm) with about 25 more under 10mm between the two ovaries that the RE said will start to grow as well. I kind of started freaking out a little bit about having too many mature follies at trigger time. I asked the RE (it wasn't my usual doctor, it's the other one in the practice) when they would cancel the cycle. She said they wouldn't cancel it. I panicked a little more and said...."Well, I don't want multiples." Then I back-tracked and said I'd be okay with twins but really would rather just have one baby at a time. She looked at my chart and then realized that we're doing IUI. She thought we were doing IVF!!! OMG. Total freak out. She then said we'd back my injects down but wanted to see how my labs looked. So...the plan for last night and tonight is....
50IU Follistim
15cc Low Dose HCG
I go back tomorrow morning for another ultrasound and more labs. We'll see what things are looking like and have a better plan for when the IUI's will be. I'm thinking trigger Weds night and IUI's on Thurs and Fri morning.
The injections are going well. I had a little freak out when I gave myself my 4th injection, the vial should have been empty since it was a 300IU vial and I had given myself four 75IU injections out of it. There is a good amount left, I wasn't sure if I forgot to dial the inject up one evening or what. I found out that they overfill them and I can use up the rest of what's in there. If my dose is higher than what is left, it'll just stop at whatever is in there and the dial won't go completely down. Then I can re-load the new vial and begin again. Whew!
I have lost 5 pounds in the last 5 days. I haven't had much of an appetite and have been a little nauseated on top of fatigue. My stomach has been a little iffy after eating as well. I was walking the dog this afternoon and had a thought. I think the low dose HCG is making me feel this way. After all, it's the pregnancy hormone. I actually almost feel a little bit like I'm early in a pregnancy. I have to think that this is the cause. I am not complaining about the weight loss, I'm a little chunky right now but I am glad I kind of have an idea as to the cause of feeling crappy.
That's all for now...gonna relax for a bit and take it easy.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Houses, stress and needles...oh my!!
Yes, I realize it's been a while. We have had a busy few weeks that included finishing up a few big projects on our house, buying a new house and the usual daily routine added in.
So as long as everything goes through as it should, we'll be moving to a new house. It's smaller (a ranch) but has a full basement that walks out and we're on 5 acres. We are more in the country and look forward to not hearing traffic, living in a subdivision and having a lot more privacy. One thing I really look forward to is having a big garden, a chicken coop and bringing up kids with some land--teaching them to enjoy the outdoors and appreciate nature.
Our current house went on the market yesterday and it's definitely bittersweet. We have been here almost 5 years and have worked hard on the house the entire time (give or take a few months off.) We have put in so much time and effort and it looks so nice now but it's definitely a move we still want to make. I'll work on trying to get some pictures of the new house up.
So it's been a little stressful to say the least.
I was glad I had something to keep me busy for the last few weeks waiting for AF to show so we could begin another cycle. Well, she finally showed and we are on!
Last night I gave myself my first injections. I was really nervous, not to give myself a shot but more because I have a medication I have to draw out of a vial (measure correct dose, get air bubbles out and then inject) and wasn't sure how comfortable I was doing that. I am glad Chris was home to help as he did it and I watched. I am confident I can do it myself from here on out. My other medication I just dial to the dose and then put a new needle on and push the pen, it's an auto-injector so it's pretty simple.
I have quite a bit to do today and work tonight so that's all for now!
So as long as everything goes through as it should, we'll be moving to a new house. It's smaller (a ranch) but has a full basement that walks out and we're on 5 acres. We are more in the country and look forward to not hearing traffic, living in a subdivision and having a lot more privacy. One thing I really look forward to is having a big garden, a chicken coop and bringing up kids with some land--teaching them to enjoy the outdoors and appreciate nature.
Our current house went on the market yesterday and it's definitely bittersweet. We have been here almost 5 years and have worked hard on the house the entire time (give or take a few months off.) We have put in so much time and effort and it looks so nice now but it's definitely a move we still want to make. I'll work on trying to get some pictures of the new house up.
So it's been a little stressful to say the least.
I was glad I had something to keep me busy for the last few weeks waiting for AF to show so we could begin another cycle. Well, she finally showed and we are on!
Last night I gave myself my first injections. I was really nervous, not to give myself a shot but more because I have a medication I have to draw out of a vial (measure correct dose, get air bubbles out and then inject) and wasn't sure how comfortable I was doing that. I am glad Chris was home to help as he did it and I watched. I am confident I can do it myself from here on out. My other medication I just dial to the dose and then put a new needle on and push the pen, it's an auto-injector so it's pretty simple.
I have quite a bit to do today and work tonight so that's all for now!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
work-out....fail
So I haven't worked out yet and I said that yesterday (Monday 10/3) was going to be the day. I did walk the dog, I did eat okay--not super healthy by any means but not terrible either. Chris will be home tomorrow and I hope he can kick my butt in gear. We have some things to take care of outside, I hope it doesn't drain my energy. Maybe I'll try to do zumba right when I wake up. So far, I have not been accountable for working out but at least I'm being honest.
I have my knitting class tomorrow. I haven't worked much on knitting at all this week, partially because my back has been hurting so much.
I went to the chiropractor for the first time yesterday in probably 4 or 5 months. I am really frustrated. I often find myself torn between Eastern and Western medicine. I would rather do things are natural as possible but I also realize that I need certain medications for things......
One thing that really bothers me with the chiropractor is he tries to tell me things that I honestly think is a bunch of bull. For starters he is trying to tell me that my lupus and other auto-immune issues and the miscarriages are all from stress. I understand the fight or flight situation and how it can offset things in the body but I don't believe I am THAT stressed that it is causing my blood to thicken and clot and miscarry. I also don't believe that it is causing my lupus.
He also pushes harder on one side than the other when testing the arms for strength to try to prove I need the adjustment. I know I need the adjustment, I don't need proof and I don't need you to push triple as hard on one arm and lighter on the other.
The second thing that really bothers me is he pushes supplements. Yesterday he pushed pretty hard on 3 different spots on my stomach/abdomen. Because it was slightly painful when he did this, he came up with the conclusion that:
I don't have enough stomach acid and need a supplement
That my liver isn't working properly because of all the medications I am on
That my gall bladder isn't working properly because my stomach isn't digesting properly
He wanted me to come back on Friday and he would have some suggestions for supplements (that I can buy from his office) that will help me and possibly get me off the fertility meds, lupus meds and not needing lovenox while pregnant next time.
I understand that chiro's are more natural and streamline more with eastern medicine but I don't want this crap shoved down my throat when I come for an adjustment. It actually makes me want to not get adjustments and just deal with the back pain.
I got about 90% of the wallpaper down today. I couldn't finish a few areas because there are lights mounted on the wall and I didn't want to mess with the electrical aspect of it. So tomorrow Chris can hopefully get them off the walls so I can finish the wallpaper and then sand on Thursday. It really came up pretty easy, there are a few spots that have been patched and will need to be patched again before sanding since the steamer softens them up and I scraped a bunch off.
I have about 2 weeks to get the bathroom finished, get the basement floor painted and get the upstairs hallway ceiling painted. The rest of the stuff I can do while stimming but I want the super smelling painting done before we even begin meds.
I have my knitting class tomorrow. I haven't worked much on knitting at all this week, partially because my back has been hurting so much.
I went to the chiropractor for the first time yesterday in probably 4 or 5 months. I am really frustrated. I often find myself torn between Eastern and Western medicine. I would rather do things are natural as possible but I also realize that I need certain medications for things......
One thing that really bothers me with the chiropractor is he tries to tell me things that I honestly think is a bunch of bull. For starters he is trying to tell me that my lupus and other auto-immune issues and the miscarriages are all from stress. I understand the fight or flight situation and how it can offset things in the body but I don't believe I am THAT stressed that it is causing my blood to thicken and clot and miscarry. I also don't believe that it is causing my lupus.
He also pushes harder on one side than the other when testing the arms for strength to try to prove I need the adjustment. I know I need the adjustment, I don't need proof and I don't need you to push triple as hard on one arm and lighter on the other.
The second thing that really bothers me is he pushes supplements. Yesterday he pushed pretty hard on 3 different spots on my stomach/abdomen. Because it was slightly painful when he did this, he came up with the conclusion that:
I don't have enough stomach acid and need a supplement
That my liver isn't working properly because of all the medications I am on
That my gall bladder isn't working properly because my stomach isn't digesting properly
He wanted me to come back on Friday and he would have some suggestions for supplements (that I can buy from his office) that will help me and possibly get me off the fertility meds, lupus meds and not needing lovenox while pregnant next time.
I understand that chiro's are more natural and streamline more with eastern medicine but I don't want this crap shoved down my throat when I come for an adjustment. It actually makes me want to not get adjustments and just deal with the back pain.
I got about 90% of the wallpaper down today. I couldn't finish a few areas because there are lights mounted on the wall and I didn't want to mess with the electrical aspect of it. So tomorrow Chris can hopefully get them off the walls so I can finish the wallpaper and then sand on Thursday. It really came up pretty easy, there are a few spots that have been patched and will need to be patched again before sanding since the steamer softens them up and I scraped a bunch off.
I have about 2 weeks to get the bathroom finished, get the basement floor painted and get the upstairs hallway ceiling painted. The rest of the stuff I can do while stimming but I want the super smelling painting done before we even begin meds.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Mostly Rambling
I haven't been that busy the last few days but I haven't really had much to say about anything important. I've been working on things around the house to avoid the big projects we have that need to be finished like painting the ceiling in the upstairs hallway, painting the basement floor (which means moving a bunch of crap from one side, painting, then moving it all and painting that side...A LOT of work!) and well, the master bathroom.
I think on Tuesday I will work on the master bathroom. I need to pull the wallpaper down, sand, clean up then I can prime and paint. I should be able to get the first 3 parts done and then prime and first coat of paint on Thursday. I don't enjoy working on the house but when I do something like this, I'd rather do it myself. Tuesday and Thursday Chris will be at work so I can work at my own pace and get it done.
Last night I made the best dinner I think I have ever made. It was short ribs in a wine and cream sauce served over roasted mushrooms. We had a side of sweet potato which was okay, it didn't have a ton of flavor. I have to credit Pioneer Woman for the recipe!
I have been working on getting my sewing room organized. I am converting the den/library to my sewing room. I have many ideas and can't wait for it to be finished. I was previously sewing in our "dining room" with all my cutting tools and material upstairs. Before that I was sewing on the hardwood floor upstairs with one hand on the foot pedal and one hand to hold the material. I seriously am so thrilled to have a room with all my material, tools and machines in one place! I've taken some pictures but once it's finished, I'll post before and after pictures.
I need to get out and plant my bulbs and do some fall yard cleanup in the next week or so as well. It rained the last 4 days pretty much all day, I walked the dog every day in the rain but Friday I had to take a break. It was so windy, cold and raining! I definitely love fall and spring, the extremes kill me in either way.
I also wanted to touch on some major problems I have with accountability. I am awful at working out and my eating has been pretty crappy lately (besides planning dinners.) I think I am going to use this blog to also hold myself accountable for working out and eating better. Yesterday, I told Chris that today I was going to begin working out and eating better. I have this way of procrastinating and wasting time (like blogging! hah!!) instead of working out or doing something good for me. So, I will update in here how I'm doing as well. I hope that by having somewhere to update (other than my husband) will help me work harder. Right now I'm aiming to do Zumba for 30 min or more every day, along with walking the dog and making better choices for eating snacks.
So I decided not to start eating better today because in about 90 minutes, my parents are picking me up and taking me to dinner. We are going for Mexican...I am salivating thinking about it and am not sure what I will get. I have been craving some Mexican for probably close to a month. I've made things at home but it never is as tasty as authentic Mexican.
I also started knitting a second Christmas stocking. This one is from the same pattern but I'm using a heavier yarn and larger needle than what the pattern calls for. So far it's working out fine but we'll see when I get to the heel part. I'll post some pictures as I work on that too.
I think on Tuesday I will work on the master bathroom. I need to pull the wallpaper down, sand, clean up then I can prime and paint. I should be able to get the first 3 parts done and then prime and first coat of paint on Thursday. I don't enjoy working on the house but when I do something like this, I'd rather do it myself. Tuesday and Thursday Chris will be at work so I can work at my own pace and get it done.
Last night I made the best dinner I think I have ever made. It was short ribs in a wine and cream sauce served over roasted mushrooms. We had a side of sweet potato which was okay, it didn't have a ton of flavor. I have to credit Pioneer Woman for the recipe!
I have been working on getting my sewing room organized. I am converting the den/library to my sewing room. I have many ideas and can't wait for it to be finished. I was previously sewing in our "dining room" with all my cutting tools and material upstairs. Before that I was sewing on the hardwood floor upstairs with one hand on the foot pedal and one hand to hold the material. I seriously am so thrilled to have a room with all my material, tools and machines in one place! I've taken some pictures but once it's finished, I'll post before and after pictures.
I need to get out and plant my bulbs and do some fall yard cleanup in the next week or so as well. It rained the last 4 days pretty much all day, I walked the dog every day in the rain but Friday I had to take a break. It was so windy, cold and raining! I definitely love fall and spring, the extremes kill me in either way.
I also wanted to touch on some major problems I have with accountability. I am awful at working out and my eating has been pretty crappy lately (besides planning dinners.) I think I am going to use this blog to also hold myself accountable for working out and eating better. Yesterday, I told Chris that today I was going to begin working out and eating better. I have this way of procrastinating and wasting time (like blogging! hah!!) instead of working out or doing something good for me. So, I will update in here how I'm doing as well. I hope that by having somewhere to update (other than my husband) will help me work harder. Right now I'm aiming to do Zumba for 30 min or more every day, along with walking the dog and making better choices for eating snacks.
So I decided not to start eating better today because in about 90 minutes, my parents are picking me up and taking me to dinner. We are going for Mexican...I am salivating thinking about it and am not sure what I will get. I have been craving some Mexican for probably close to a month. I've made things at home but it never is as tasty as authentic Mexican.
I also started knitting a second Christmas stocking. This one is from the same pattern but I'm using a heavier yarn and larger needle than what the pattern calls for. So far it's working out fine but we'll see when I get to the heel part. I'll post some pictures as I work on that too.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Miscarriage, Cytotec and Hysteroscopy experience.
Like I stated in the previous post, the main purpose of this blog is to share experiences that I'm going through or have had along our journey to conceive a child. If friends/family come across this, there will be graphic explanations at times and probably more than you really want to read or know about. So, read on if you'd like but I'm giving you a warning ahead of time to close this page if you don't want to hear personal details.
This is the story leading up to my hysteroscopy and my experience with the test itself.
When we found out I was pregnant again, we were thrilled. I had no spotting this time, I felt great and was feeling pretty good about the pregnancy. I am addicted to taking pregnancy tests and decided after taking 2 days off to dip a stick and see how dark the line had gotten. The line was lighter. I knew at that instant that the outcome was not going to be good. I called my nurse, told her I had no symptoms and that my boobs were not as sore anymore. She tried to tell me everything was fine and to get through the next 2 days till my ultrasound. I tested probably about another dozen times in the next 2 days. All of which were continually lighter.
I went in for an ultrasound, it was not my usual RE doing the scan but I knew I was still in good hands. The gestational sac and yolk sac were seen but were about half the size they should have been by dating. We knew dating was correct since I had used the trigger shot and knew ovulation date. She repeated my beta that day. A few hours later the nurse called and said my beta had dropped and to expect a miscarriage. She said we could continue that cycle with meds and IUI as long as my CD3 lab levels all came back normal. I had to go back in a week for a repeat beta. They didn't expect me to start bleeding for a week or longer. I began bleeding 4 days later. It was intense and painful, worse than a usual menstrual cycle bleed. Since I didn't begin bleeding until 5pm that day, the following day was CD1. So, Tuesday morning rolls around and I go in for CD3 ultrasound and labs. All my labs came back normal but my lining was too thick at 8mm and I had what looked like POC left in my uterine cavity. The RE (not my usual one) wanted me to come back in 2 days for a repeat ultrasound. I went back again Thurs, tissue was still there with a thick lining. At this point I hadn't bled in a good 3 days. My RE recommended to come back Saturday for one last look and he would discuss the options then.
Saturday rolls around, lining is now 7mm (no idea where the 1mm went as I had nothing but a few episodes of spotting in the 2 days) but retained tissue was still there. The doctor explained that he thought we could do a hysteroscopy in office rather than a D&C and that it was less invasive but I would be awake. The nurse called me later in that day to set up a day for the test and give me instructions. We set it for Monday.
Here is where the difficult part played out. I was prescribed multiple medications, cytotec, valium, vicodin and an antibiotic. Cytotec/misoprostol is the abortion pill. I was very anxious to use this medication. It was also an emotional experience. I was instructed to put 1 pill into my vagina the evening before and again the morning of. The point was to soften and dilate my cervix so that the hysteroscopy equipment was easier to get through my cervix. I KNOW (after having 3 ultrasounds in a weeks time) that nothing was left there except retained pregnancy tissue but I still felt as though I was aborting a pregnancy. I literally sat on the toilet for 10 minutes with the pill between my fingers trying to build up the courage to insert it. I also was extremely scared as to how this would make me feel. I tried researching online but everything I read/found were horror stories about how awful it was and painful the bleeding was. I wasn't sure if the pill would make me bleed more or have contractions or vomit.
I inserted the pill around 7:30 in the evening. By 8:30 I had some cramping but nothing that wasn't tolerable. The pain from the miscarriage a week earlier was worse than this. Pretty much all night I had tolerable cramping and twinges. I didn't sleep well because I was sure any minute it would get worse. It never did and I didn't bleed or spot at all. I put the second pill in the following morning (the first pill was still there, not all the way dissolved. Freaked me out a bit!)
My procedure was set for 9:30am, I needed to arrive by 9:00am for a shot in my butt of "super motrin" that would help with the cramping. Holy hell, that shot hurt bad. It burned as it went in. But I think it did do it's job. At 8:30am I took valium and vicodin. I don't think that helped at all, I didn't notice feeling calmer or less pain.
The procedure itself wasn't too long, maybe 15-20 minutes. My RE and nurse were in the room along with a medical assistant. I don't know what was worse, the giant speculum or the 2 shots of pain lidocaine into my cervix. I think when he first stuck me my brain wanted to tell my foot to kick him, it hurt bad. I think I may have nearly broken my husbands hand by squeezing it (yes, they allowed him in the room.) Once I was numb, the RE put the endoscope in and looked around. He was pointing out to my husband where my right tube opening was and left tube opening. He was pretty happy with how the entire cavity looked. He used a tool to grab the tissue leftover from the pregnancy. He looked around a bit more and then it was all done. They do insert a tube and flush saline/salt water into your uterus so that the view is better, which continually flows back out and makes you feel like you're peeing. Really, the procedure itself was tolerable and there was some minor cramping and pulling feelings but nothing that was extreme.
Once it was done, the RE talked to us a bit and said he would send the tissue to to the lab but everything else looked excellent. I was able to get up and go home immediately after the procedure. I was advised to wear a pad and to expect spotting for the next few days. I was also told I might have some cramping that day but it should be gone the following day. Really, I didn't have much cramping the rest of the day.
This is pretty detailed but the biggest concern for me was the cytotec. I was terrified and couldn't find a single person out there that had used it for the same circumstances as I was. I hope that this post is found by someone who is searching for an experience like mine and I can settle their nerves and they can have an idea of what to expect. Feel free to comment or ask questions if you have any. I'll do my best to answer what I can.
This is the story leading up to my hysteroscopy and my experience with the test itself.
When we found out I was pregnant again, we were thrilled. I had no spotting this time, I felt great and was feeling pretty good about the pregnancy. I am addicted to taking pregnancy tests and decided after taking 2 days off to dip a stick and see how dark the line had gotten. The line was lighter. I knew at that instant that the outcome was not going to be good. I called my nurse, told her I had no symptoms and that my boobs were not as sore anymore. She tried to tell me everything was fine and to get through the next 2 days till my ultrasound. I tested probably about another dozen times in the next 2 days. All of which were continually lighter.
I went in for an ultrasound, it was not my usual RE doing the scan but I knew I was still in good hands. The gestational sac and yolk sac were seen but were about half the size they should have been by dating. We knew dating was correct since I had used the trigger shot and knew ovulation date. She repeated my beta that day. A few hours later the nurse called and said my beta had dropped and to expect a miscarriage. She said we could continue that cycle with meds and IUI as long as my CD3 lab levels all came back normal. I had to go back in a week for a repeat beta. They didn't expect me to start bleeding for a week or longer. I began bleeding 4 days later. It was intense and painful, worse than a usual menstrual cycle bleed. Since I didn't begin bleeding until 5pm that day, the following day was CD1. So, Tuesday morning rolls around and I go in for CD3 ultrasound and labs. All my labs came back normal but my lining was too thick at 8mm and I had what looked like POC left in my uterine cavity. The RE (not my usual one) wanted me to come back in 2 days for a repeat ultrasound. I went back again Thurs, tissue was still there with a thick lining. At this point I hadn't bled in a good 3 days. My RE recommended to come back Saturday for one last look and he would discuss the options then.
Saturday rolls around, lining is now 7mm (no idea where the 1mm went as I had nothing but a few episodes of spotting in the 2 days) but retained tissue was still there. The doctor explained that he thought we could do a hysteroscopy in office rather than a D&C and that it was less invasive but I would be awake. The nurse called me later in that day to set up a day for the test and give me instructions. We set it for Monday.
Here is where the difficult part played out. I was prescribed multiple medications, cytotec, valium, vicodin and an antibiotic. Cytotec/misoprostol is the abortion pill. I was very anxious to use this medication. It was also an emotional experience. I was instructed to put 1 pill into my vagina the evening before and again the morning of. The point was to soften and dilate my cervix so that the hysteroscopy equipment was easier to get through my cervix. I KNOW (after having 3 ultrasounds in a weeks time) that nothing was left there except retained pregnancy tissue but I still felt as though I was aborting a pregnancy. I literally sat on the toilet for 10 minutes with the pill between my fingers trying to build up the courage to insert it. I also was extremely scared as to how this would make me feel. I tried researching online but everything I read/found were horror stories about how awful it was and painful the bleeding was. I wasn't sure if the pill would make me bleed more or have contractions or vomit.
I inserted the pill around 7:30 in the evening. By 8:30 I had some cramping but nothing that wasn't tolerable. The pain from the miscarriage a week earlier was worse than this. Pretty much all night I had tolerable cramping and twinges. I didn't sleep well because I was sure any minute it would get worse. It never did and I didn't bleed or spot at all. I put the second pill in the following morning (the first pill was still there, not all the way dissolved. Freaked me out a bit!)
My procedure was set for 9:30am, I needed to arrive by 9:00am for a shot in my butt of "super motrin" that would help with the cramping. Holy hell, that shot hurt bad. It burned as it went in. But I think it did do it's job. At 8:30am I took valium and vicodin. I don't think that helped at all, I didn't notice feeling calmer or less pain.
The procedure itself wasn't too long, maybe 15-20 minutes. My RE and nurse were in the room along with a medical assistant. I don't know what was worse, the giant speculum or the 2 shots of pain lidocaine into my cervix. I think when he first stuck me my brain wanted to tell my foot to kick him, it hurt bad. I think I may have nearly broken my husbands hand by squeezing it (yes, they allowed him in the room.) Once I was numb, the RE put the endoscope in and looked around. He was pointing out to my husband where my right tube opening was and left tube opening. He was pretty happy with how the entire cavity looked. He used a tool to grab the tissue leftover from the pregnancy. He looked around a bit more and then it was all done. They do insert a tube and flush saline/salt water into your uterus so that the view is better, which continually flows back out and makes you feel like you're peeing. Really, the procedure itself was tolerable and there was some minor cramping and pulling feelings but nothing that was extreme.
Once it was done, the RE talked to us a bit and said he would send the tissue to to the lab but everything else looked excellent. I was able to get up and go home immediately after the procedure. I was advised to wear a pad and to expect spotting for the next few days. I was also told I might have some cramping that day but it should be gone the following day. Really, I didn't have much cramping the rest of the day.
This is pretty detailed but the biggest concern for me was the cytotec. I was terrified and couldn't find a single person out there that had used it for the same circumstances as I was. I hope that this post is found by someone who is searching for an experience like mine and I can settle their nerves and they can have an idea of what to expect. Feel free to comment or ask questions if you have any. I'll do my best to answer what I can.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Hello again
So a while ago, I deleted the entire contents of my blog. It served it's purpose for me, I got out what I had to get out and have worked on those things daily within myself.
I feel like I write things better than I can often speak them. It's not that I have a hard time communicating but more so getting everything out that I meant to get out. I will be laying in bed and remember that I forgot something important to mention to my husband when he called me earlier in the night.
This blog will be about life in general, there may be posts about food, entertainment, projects I'm working on or want to make but most of it this is going to be my release with our struggle with Infertility. IF is often not talked about, most people dealing with it stick to their close friends and family for support (as much as they can give) and message boards or online support some way (because that's where you really find people struggling with the same thing and can understand each other.) It is such an emotional and personal journey. I have felt so many different things along this way so far. Failure as a woman, wife and mother if the biggest hurt I have felt. I can't explain how difficult and painful it is it process that you can't give your husband the child he desires, your body can't do what it was made to do or you simply feel like your body fails every time you do get pregnant. It is heartbreaking for all involved.
I also hope that someone struggling to find information about something they're going through will be able to come across this through a search engine and find an answer. I have spent so much time looking through blogs and sites to find someone who has experienced what I was going through so I could have some sort of idea how things would happen or take place. So I do hope that this provides help for someone looking for something specific as well.
I am a mother to four Angels that I will get to spend eternity with when my maker calls me. As each loss has occurred, I have grieved differently but have realized that God knows how badly I desire a baby and that he is preparing that for me when I die. I will have those 4 babies with me forever. They have changed me and made me stronger. I have realized I've gone through things I could have never imagined and have hurt so bad.
The reason we have kept things quiet and not shared with family and friends along the way is mainly because of me. I feel ashamed that I am not able to give our parents a grandchild and brother's/sister's a niece or nephew and so on. I also find that it's too difficult in those early weeks for me to share that I am pregnant and then have to take it back and explain to everyone, when I don't even have answers myself.
I do have to say, I have met some amazing women along this journey. There are few people that know all the gory details of everything and can still hug and support me. We have shared joy and pain and my life will never be the same because of them. I also have to say that although a lot of the "cloth diaper ladies" aren't experiencing what we're going through, they have been wonderful friends and supporters during the ups and downs of all of this.
It's really an emotional roller coaster day in and out when you are "struggling to conceive." For most people (under 35 and healthy) you aren't put into that category until you have been trying to get pregnant for a full 12 months. Yes, it can take the average couple 12 months to achieve pregnancy. While every month that passes, even before you've hit that year mark it still really sucks that it didn't happen that month. Well, we've hit that year and more.
There are not many days that go by that a women (probably the man too but mainly the woman as it's her body going through most everything) doesn't get reminded that she is struggling to conceive. I definitely fall into this category as this point as we have sought infertility treatment. When you inject yourself with medications, have blood draws and ultrasounds every few days you are continually reminded. It's all a big waiting game....
You start your period
Wait for day 3 for your monitoring appointment (that day finally comes)
Wait all day for your nurse to call you back to advise you
Start injections that night
Wait for day 7 monitoring appointment while continuing injections each night (that day finally comes)
Wait all day for your nurse to call you back to advise of the plan
Wait a few more days
Shoot yourself in the belly a few more times
Go for your final scan and IUI
Go for another IUI the following day
Wait 4 days, go in for blood work
Wait for the nurse to call you back
Wait 12 more days for more blood work
Wait for the nurse to call you back and tell you "you're pregnant" or "I'm sorry, this time didn't work."
Wait for your period to show and.....
Repeat the cycle all over again.
Oh but once you're pregnant, you have to wait even more. Wait for beta's every 2 days for a week or so. Wait for your weekly ultrasound appointment, wait to "graduate" from the RE to the OB. WAIT WAIT WAIT. Seriously, this is not good for the impatient person.
So, because of my medical conditions and loss history we are considered high risk. Last week we had a crazy week of meeting with the RE, Rheumatologist and MFM. I'm meeting with a new OB in mid October and will hopefully be able to get everyone on the same page so that everyone knows "The plan."
So, what exactly is "The plan," you wonder....
Basically the next time I become pregnant I will be followed by the RE until 8-10 weeks. I will receive weekly blood draws and ultrasounds.
I will begin Lovenox at the confirmation of a positive beta (1-2 shots in my belly daily.)
I will be seen by the rheumatologist in the first trimester.
I will see the MFM for a baseline 24 hr urine and blood work at the very beginning of a pregnancy as well.
This is mainly first trimester stuff, as I get further along things will change. There are plenty of other things but I'm not going to get ahead of myself with that stuff right now since it's off in a distance anyways.
I'm sure there is more to add but my brain is starting to turn to mush and I keep thinking about my knitting and how I want to finish a certain part before class tomorrow. Plus, the laundry is calling.
I feel like I write things better than I can often speak them. It's not that I have a hard time communicating but more so getting everything out that I meant to get out. I will be laying in bed and remember that I forgot something important to mention to my husband when he called me earlier in the night.
This blog will be about life in general, there may be posts about food, entertainment, projects I'm working on or want to make but most of it this is going to be my release with our struggle with Infertility. IF is often not talked about, most people dealing with it stick to their close friends and family for support (as much as they can give) and message boards or online support some way (because that's where you really find people struggling with the same thing and can understand each other.) It is such an emotional and personal journey. I have felt so many different things along this way so far. Failure as a woman, wife and mother if the biggest hurt I have felt. I can't explain how difficult and painful it is it process that you can't give your husband the child he desires, your body can't do what it was made to do or you simply feel like your body fails every time you do get pregnant. It is heartbreaking for all involved.
I also hope that someone struggling to find information about something they're going through will be able to come across this through a search engine and find an answer. I have spent so much time looking through blogs and sites to find someone who has experienced what I was going through so I could have some sort of idea how things would happen or take place. So I do hope that this provides help for someone looking for something specific as well.
I am a mother to four Angels that I will get to spend eternity with when my maker calls me. As each loss has occurred, I have grieved differently but have realized that God knows how badly I desire a baby and that he is preparing that for me when I die. I will have those 4 babies with me forever. They have changed me and made me stronger. I have realized I've gone through things I could have never imagined and have hurt so bad.
The reason we have kept things quiet and not shared with family and friends along the way is mainly because of me. I feel ashamed that I am not able to give our parents a grandchild and brother's/sister's a niece or nephew and so on. I also find that it's too difficult in those early weeks for me to share that I am pregnant and then have to take it back and explain to everyone, when I don't even have answers myself.
I do have to say, I have met some amazing women along this journey. There are few people that know all the gory details of everything and can still hug and support me. We have shared joy and pain and my life will never be the same because of them. I also have to say that although a lot of the "cloth diaper ladies" aren't experiencing what we're going through, they have been wonderful friends and supporters during the ups and downs of all of this.
It's really an emotional roller coaster day in and out when you are "struggling to conceive." For most people (under 35 and healthy) you aren't put into that category until you have been trying to get pregnant for a full 12 months. Yes, it can take the average couple 12 months to achieve pregnancy. While every month that passes, even before you've hit that year mark it still really sucks that it didn't happen that month. Well, we've hit that year and more.
There are not many days that go by that a women (probably the man too but mainly the woman as it's her body going through most everything) doesn't get reminded that she is struggling to conceive. I definitely fall into this category as this point as we have sought infertility treatment. When you inject yourself with medications, have blood draws and ultrasounds every few days you are continually reminded. It's all a big waiting game....
You start your period
Wait for day 3 for your monitoring appointment (that day finally comes)
Wait all day for your nurse to call you back to advise you
Start injections that night
Wait for day 7 monitoring appointment while continuing injections each night (that day finally comes)
Wait all day for your nurse to call you back to advise of the plan
Wait a few more days
Shoot yourself in the belly a few more times
Go for your final scan and IUI
Go for another IUI the following day
Wait 4 days, go in for blood work
Wait for the nurse to call you back
Wait 12 more days for more blood work
Wait for the nurse to call you back and tell you "you're pregnant" or "I'm sorry, this time didn't work."
Wait for your period to show and.....
Repeat the cycle all over again.
Oh but once you're pregnant, you have to wait even more. Wait for beta's every 2 days for a week or so. Wait for your weekly ultrasound appointment, wait to "graduate" from the RE to the OB. WAIT WAIT WAIT. Seriously, this is not good for the impatient person.
So, because of my medical conditions and loss history we are considered high risk. Last week we had a crazy week of meeting with the RE, Rheumatologist and MFM. I'm meeting with a new OB in mid October and will hopefully be able to get everyone on the same page so that everyone knows "The plan."
So, what exactly is "The plan," you wonder....
Basically the next time I become pregnant I will be followed by the RE until 8-10 weeks. I will receive weekly blood draws and ultrasounds.
I will begin Lovenox at the confirmation of a positive beta (1-2 shots in my belly daily.)
I will be seen by the rheumatologist in the first trimester.
I will see the MFM for a baseline 24 hr urine and blood work at the very beginning of a pregnancy as well.
This is mainly first trimester stuff, as I get further along things will change. There are plenty of other things but I'm not going to get ahead of myself with that stuff right now since it's off in a distance anyways.
I'm sure there is more to add but my brain is starting to turn to mush and I keep thinking about my knitting and how I want to finish a certain part before class tomorrow. Plus, the laundry is calling.
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