Miscarriage, Cytotec and Hysteroscopy experience.

Like I stated in the previous post, the main purpose of this blog is to share experiences that I'm going through or have had along our journey to conceive a child. If friends/family come across this, there will be graphic explanations at times and probably more than you really want to read or know about. So, read on if you'd like but I'm giving you a warning ahead of time to close this page if you don't want to hear personal details.

This is the story leading up to my hysteroscopy and my experience with the test itself.


When we found out I was pregnant again, we were thrilled. I had no spotting this time, I felt great and was feeling pretty good about the pregnancy. I am addicted to taking pregnancy tests and decided after taking 2 days off to dip a stick and see how dark the line had gotten. The line was lighter. I knew at that instant that the outcome was not going to be good. I called my nurse, told her I had no symptoms and that my boobs were not as sore anymore. She tried to tell me everything was fine and to get through the next 2 days till my ultrasound. I tested probably about another dozen times in the next 2 days. All of which were continually lighter.

I went in for an ultrasound, it was not my usual RE doing the scan but I knew I was still in good hands. The gestational sac and yolk sac were seen but were about half the size they should have been by dating. We knew dating was correct since I had used the trigger shot and knew ovulation date. She repeated my beta that day. A few hours later the nurse called and said my beta had dropped and to expect a miscarriage. She said we could continue that cycle with meds and IUI as long as my CD3 lab levels all came back normal. I had to go back in a week for a repeat beta. They didn't expect me to start bleeding for a week or longer. I began bleeding 4 days later. It was intense and painful, worse than a usual menstrual cycle bleed. Since I didn't begin bleeding until 5pm that day, the following day was CD1. So, Tuesday morning rolls around and I go in for CD3 ultrasound and labs. All my labs came back normal but my lining was too thick at 8mm and I had what looked like POC left in my uterine cavity. The RE (not my usual one) wanted me to come back in 2 days for a repeat ultrasound. I went back again Thurs, tissue was still there with a thick lining. At this point I hadn't bled in a good 3 days. My RE recommended to come back Saturday for one last look and he would discuss the options then.

Saturday rolls around, lining is now 7mm (no idea where the 1mm went as I had nothing but a few episodes of spotting in the 2 days) but retained tissue was still there. The doctor explained that he thought we could do a hysteroscopy in office rather than a D&C and that it was less invasive but I would be awake. The nurse called me later in that day to set up a day for the test and give me instructions. We set it for Monday.

Here is where the difficult part played out. I was prescribed multiple medications, cytotec, valium, vicodin and an antibiotic. Cytotec/misoprostol is the abortion pill. I was very anxious to use this medication. It was also an emotional experience. I was instructed to put 1 pill into my vagina the evening before and again the morning of. The point was to soften and dilate my cervix so that the hysteroscopy equipment was easier to get through my cervix. I KNOW (after having 3 ultrasounds in a weeks time) that nothing was left there except retained pregnancy tissue but I still felt as though I was aborting a pregnancy. I literally sat on the toilet for 10 minutes with the pill between my fingers trying to build up the courage to insert it. I also was extremely scared as to how this would make me feel. I tried researching online but everything I read/found were horror stories about how awful it was and painful the bleeding was. I wasn't sure if the pill would make me bleed more or have contractions or vomit.

I inserted the pill around 7:30 in the evening. By 8:30 I had some cramping but nothing that wasn't tolerable. The pain from the miscarriage a week earlier was worse than this. Pretty much all night I had tolerable cramping and twinges. I didn't sleep well because I was sure any minute it would get worse. It never did and I didn't bleed or spot at all. I put the second pill in the following morning (the first pill was still there, not all the way dissolved. Freaked me out a bit!)

My procedure was set for 9:30am, I needed to arrive by 9:00am for a shot in my butt of "super motrin" that would help with the cramping. Holy hell, that shot hurt bad. It burned as it went in. But I think it did do it's job. At 8:30am I took valium and vicodin. I don't think that helped at all, I didn't notice feeling calmer or less pain.

The procedure itself wasn't too long, maybe 15-20 minutes. My RE and nurse were in the room along with a medical assistant. I don't know what was worse, the giant speculum or the 2 shots of pain lidocaine into my cervix. I think when he first stuck me my brain wanted to tell my foot to kick him, it hurt bad. I think I may have nearly broken my husbands hand by squeezing it (yes, they allowed him in the room.) Once I was numb, the RE put the endoscope in and looked around. He was pointing out to my husband where my right tube opening was and left tube opening. He was pretty happy with how the entire cavity looked. He used a tool to grab the tissue leftover from the pregnancy. He looked around a bit more and then it was all done. They do insert a tube and flush saline/salt water into your uterus so that the view is better, which continually flows back out and makes you feel like you're peeing. Really, the procedure itself was tolerable and there was some minor cramping and pulling feelings but nothing that was extreme.

Once it was done, the RE talked to us a bit and said he would send the tissue to to the lab but everything else looked excellent. I was able to get up and go home immediately after the procedure. I was advised to wear a pad and to expect spotting for the next few days. I was also told I might have some cramping that day but it should be gone the following day. Really, I didn't have much cramping the rest of the day.

This is pretty detailed but the biggest concern for me was the cytotec. I was terrified and couldn't find a single person out there that had used it for the same circumstances as I was. I hope that this post is found by someone who is searching for an experience like mine and I can settle their nerves and they can have an idea of what to expect. Feel free to comment or ask questions if you have any. I'll do my best to answer what I can.

Hello again

So a while ago, I deleted the entire contents of my blog. It served it's purpose for me, I got out what I had to get out and have worked on those things daily within myself.

I feel like I write things better than I can often speak them. It's not that I have a hard time communicating but more so getting everything out that I meant to get out. I will be laying in bed and remember that I forgot something important to mention to my husband when he called me earlier in the night.

This blog will be about life in general, there may be posts about food, entertainment, projects I'm working on or want to make but most of it this is going to be my release with our struggle with Infertility. IF is often not talked about, most people dealing with it stick to their close friends and family for support (as much as they can give) and message boards or online support some way (because that's where you really find people struggling with the same thing and can understand each other.) It is such an emotional and personal journey. I have felt so many different things along this way so far. Failure as a woman, wife and mother if the biggest hurt I have felt. I can't explain how difficult and painful it is it process that you can't give your husband the child he desires, your body can't do what it was made to do or you simply feel like your body fails every time you do get pregnant. It is heartbreaking for all involved.

I also hope that someone struggling to find information about something they're going through will be able to come across this through a search engine and find an answer. I have spent so much time looking through blogs and sites to find someone who has experienced what I was going through so I could have some sort of idea how things would happen or take place. So I do hope that this provides help for someone looking for something specific as well.

I am a mother to four Angels that I will get to spend eternity with when my maker calls me. As each loss has occurred, I have grieved differently but have realized that God knows how badly I desire a baby and that he is preparing that for me when I die. I will have those 4 babies with me forever. They have changed me and made me stronger. I have realized I've gone through things I could have never imagined and have hurt so bad.

The reason we have kept things quiet and not shared with family and friends along the way is mainly because of me. I feel ashamed that I am not able to give our parents a grandchild and brother's/sister's a niece or nephew and so on. I also find that it's too difficult in those early weeks for me to share that I am pregnant and then have to take it back and explain to everyone, when I don't even have answers myself.

I do have to say, I have met some amazing women along this journey. There are few people that know all the gory details of everything and can still hug and support me. We have shared joy and pain and my life will never be the same because of them. I also have to say that although a lot of the "cloth diaper ladies" aren't experiencing what we're going through, they have been wonderful friends and supporters during the ups and downs of all of this.

It's really an emotional roller coaster day in and out when you are "struggling to conceive." For most people (under 35 and healthy) you aren't put into that category until you have been trying to get pregnant for a full 12 months. Yes, it can take the average couple 12 months to achieve pregnancy. While every month that passes, even before you've hit that year mark it still really sucks that it didn't happen that month. Well, we've hit that year and more.

There are not many days that go by that a women (probably the man too but mainly the woman as it's her body going through most everything) doesn't get reminded that she is struggling to conceive. I definitely fall into this category as this point as we have sought infertility treatment. When you inject yourself with medications, have blood draws and ultrasounds every few days you are continually reminded. It's all a big waiting game....

You start your period
Wait for day 3 for your monitoring appointment (that day finally comes)
Wait all day for your nurse to call you back to advise you
Start injections that night
Wait for day 7 monitoring appointment while continuing injections each night (that day finally comes)
Wait all day for your nurse to call you back to advise of the plan
Wait a few more days
Shoot yourself in the belly a few more times
Go for your final scan and IUI
Go for another IUI the following day
Wait 4 days, go in for blood work
Wait for the nurse to call you back
Wait 12 more days for more blood work
Wait for the nurse to call you back and tell you "you're pregnant" or "I'm sorry, this time didn't work."
Wait for your period to show and.....
Repeat the cycle all over again.

Oh but once you're pregnant, you have to wait even more. Wait for beta's every 2 days for a week or so. Wait for your weekly ultrasound appointment, wait to "graduate" from the RE to the OB. WAIT WAIT WAIT. Seriously, this is not good for the impatient person.

So, because of my medical conditions and loss history we are considered high risk. Last week we had a crazy week of meeting with the RE, Rheumatologist and MFM. I'm meeting with a new OB in mid October and will hopefully be able to get everyone on the same page so that everyone knows "The plan."

So, what exactly is "The plan," you wonder....

Basically the next time I become pregnant I will be followed by the RE until 8-10 weeks. I will receive weekly blood draws and ultrasounds.
I will begin Lovenox at the confirmation of a positive beta (1-2 shots in my belly daily.)
I will be seen by the rheumatologist in the first trimester.
I will see the MFM for a baseline 24 hr urine and blood work at the very beginning of a pregnancy as well.

This is mainly first trimester stuff, as I get further along things will change. There are plenty of other things but I'm not going to get ahead of myself with that stuff right now since it's off in a distance anyways.

I'm sure there is more to add but my brain is starting to turn to mush and I keep thinking about my knitting and how I want to finish a certain part before class tomorrow. Plus, the laundry is calling.