Disappointed

So yesterday was great (with the exception of my p4 results but we'll get to that in a bit.)

I started out early, I had to get to the clinic for my blood work. I woke up around 5:15 am and decided to hop in the shower so I could be done before Chris got up for work. I was excited to wear some of my new clothes that my mom bought me, I didn't feel like the usual slouch in just jeans and a t-shirt. I also actually did my hair, which made me feel good too.

Once I got home I had to pick things up and I made 2 loaves of banana bread. We had some people coming to look at the house so I needed to get out and figured since it was a beautiful day I would walk the dog. The people arrived early and I was rushing to get out of the house before they saw me. Literally as I closed the door to the laundry room they were opening the front door. Pup enjoyed the walk, we took our time since the people had a full hour. About 35 min later I got back to our street and saw the cars were gone so I came back home.

I had to get pup's crate back together and had about 15 minutes to get my knitting bag together before I had to leave for my knitting class. I'm working on the same Christmas stocking that is going to be the death of me. Yesterday I finished the heel turn and am now in the foot of the sock. I'll be at the toe soon and will hopefully get started on the next one within the week. I need them done before Christmas!

Once I got home from knitting class I ate some early dinner and relaxed for a couple of hours, I really should have napped but didn't want to sleep like crap so I forced myself to stay awake.

I heard from my nurse around 2:15pm. My p4 results are right on the border. They like to see them 10 or above and mine was right at 10. I was really hoping that it would be a little higher and am pretty disappointed. She said I don't need to start progesterone, which is a good thing but I am not sure if I'm comfortable with this. I know I was 3dpo for the p4 check and I'm comparing what my previous doctor wanted at 7dpo. I know I shouldn't worry and I'm not panicking but I am definitely nervous that it's not higher. I'm not having much for symptoms, my boobs are sore but I think that's from the trigger. I also have had gas but I've been eating a fair amount of pasta. I am testing out the trigger, it seems to be fading slower than last cycle.

I go in for my beta on the 13th. I plan on calling and asking the nurse today if I can move it to the 12th. The 13th is not a good day at all. It is the 1 year anniversary of my D&C and also grandmas death. I had my D&C early in the morning, we got home around 11am and both laid down. When we woke up, I told Chris I wanted to go see grandma and he started crying saying that she passed away just a short time ago. I feel really dumb to ask to come a day earlier but I honestly don't want anything else negative added to the day. Obviously I intend on hearing that my beta is negative. Not having much hope this cycle at all....negative nancy, I know.

Last night I also went to yoga, it was amazing. I felt great during and after. The instructor was wonderful, I expected to need a lot more help but only needed correcting once because I was stretching too far in triangle pose. I am really glad I asked for this as a birthday gift, I think I am going to really enjoy it immensely.

I'm not sure what today holds, Chris is on his first day of a four day. I'm hoping to get out and walk on the trail with him and the dog. I'm making minestrone for dinner. I plan on going to yoga tonight again.

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a fellow IF friend. She is in the middle of her second IVF cycle. I'm not sure what we're planning to do yet but I'm looking forward to seeing her. I also am going to a Resolve meeting tomorrow night, it's a different one than the first meeting I went to. I hope this one is a better fit for me.

Thats all for now....off to unload the dishwasher and do a few things around the house before Chris gets home.